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A BETTER STORY THAN TMZ ABOUT COUSIN LARRY
By Fayner | April 15, 2008
TMZ had a gripping article yesterday about the guy who played Cousin Larry on that 80s show Perfect Strangers. Check it out here.
I know, I know, that was a good story they put up; so compelling and well written, makes me wish I worked at TMZ.
All they did was get a picture of him. Lame. At least I got a story to go along with my Cousin Larry article!
So right after college I’m in Boston living in the empty 3 story house I grew up in after my folks hightailed it to Miami, just chillin and trying to stay away from some 16 year old slut who lived down the street and would blow anyone who bought her beer. My buddy Markunas called me up from NYC saying “Hey, I subletted Cousin Larry’s apartment in Alphabet City while he’s in Europe for the summer, wanna come and hang out for the summer?”
Cousin Larry’s apartment in NYC? Of course I’m going, right? Only a fool would turn down an offer like that. So I went by train to NYC and found my way down to 12th a A where he lived in the lower East Side.
It was the smallest one bedroom apartment you have ever seen. There was barely any room to move. There was a cat we had to take care of who was super old and puked all day in my suitcase. The air conditioning was, well, there was no air conditioning. And NYC gets HOT in the summer. The enighborhood at that time was nothing like the safety of my upbringing.
So the two of us slept on a tiny bed together sweating and dodging puke while murders and junkies and hookers loitered below in the street. I came up with a wonderful way to stay warm by tying a knot in the bottom of my t-shirt a la gay boy and stuffing the inside with ice cubes. Only problem is you wake up freezing cold and wet and become very sick.
Then there was the 12 year old black kids who used to threaten to beat me up every day as I went to get smokes from the store. And then there was the Notel Motel but that is a story I don’t really want to tell you right now.
One night maybe 2 weeks into moving there some friends came to visit with my car because I was gonna go back to Boston with them and see my parents who were visiting and we got wasted and bought one of those 3 packs of porn magazines and one of them happened to be an incest magazine called Family Touch and that dipshit Ronchinsky left it in my trunk and my mother found it and was like “What the fuck are you doing with an Incest magazine???” and I never went back to Cousin Larry’s again.
I hope his cat died.
Topics: Story |
April 15th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Dude, I have to hear about the Notel Motel now….
April 15th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
[…] The Unexpressed Advantage wrote an interesting post today on A BETTER STORY THAN TMZ ABOUT COUSIN LARRYHere’s a quick excerpt…a gripping article yesterday about the guy who … All they did was get a picture of him. Lame. … to be an incest magazine called Family […]