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« Previous EntriesWHEN STUPID GIRLS DO STUPID THINGS
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008I was at a shoot the other day and somehow the topic of discussion amongst the porno folk turned to douches and enemas. It was probably due to the fact that all the girls were about to use a douche, but in my stoned state I can never be too sure.
I remember that when I [...]
WHAT I WOULD DO TO CINDY McCAIN
Monday, September 29th, 2008As this is a P.G. web site, I shall keep this at a decent volume.
I’d do lots of things to Cindy.
I’d bombard her with crab apples
I’d put gum in her hair
I’d kick her and then run away
I’d send her notes in science class with pictures of her with stink lines
I’d kick a friend in the [...]
THANK YOU, MIT SCIENTISTS!
Monday, September 29th, 2008And here I was thinking today was a shitty day. Boy was I wrong!
I just read this awesome story about how some scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) have pretty much figured out how to make an artificial nose.
Obviously, people like me with pasts which are coated in cocaine and cocaine accessories are [...]
GETTING RID OF PORN CHICKS AIN’T THAT EASY
Monday, September 29th, 2008I was reading this morning about an apartment in New York where the landlord, wanting his rent-controlled tenants to move the fuck out so his bosses can make some real money on rent, decided to place dead rotten cats in the hallways so the stink forces the cheap-rent paying tenants out the door.
I guess it [...]
HO HUM
Monday, September 29th, 2008I get up early these days, and once my eyes can fully register what the fuck is going on I rush over to the computer and check the porn sites for fun and exciting news and the such to help me start my day.
Okay, so that is a lie. I do get up early, but [...]
EXCITING NEWS… LARGEST KNOWN PRIME NUMBER FOUND
Sunday, September 28th, 2008The Great Internet Mersenne Prime Search, a cooperative computing project, helps find a prime that has nearly 13 million digits.
Here’s a number to savor: 243,112,609-1.
Its size is mind-boggling. With nearly 13 million digits, it makes the number of atoms in the known universe seem negligible, a mere 80 digits.
And its form is tidy and lovely: [...]
HOW SMART IS THIS IDEA?
Friday, September 26th, 2008Okay, so I’m so smart I came up with a great idea for porn fans. Instead of trekking out to Vegas every January to wait in long lines to meet porn chicks, why don’t they just go to AIM Healthcare and sit outside and wait for the dozens of porn chicks who go in to [...]
NOTHING OF MUCH IMPORTANCE
Friday, September 26th, 2008Our good friend - and soon to be married - Sweet La Tipsy sent this to me from The Onion. I’m not sure everyone will get it who isn’t well-versed in 80s rock or Van Halen in particular, but I think it would be funny even if you know nothing about nothing.
But that’s me.
So here [...]
THE GREATEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN
Thursday, September 25th, 2008I’ve seen a lot of great things. For instance, today I saw a bloodhound fall into a pool. That was pretty great. So were Charley Chase’s boobs as they fell out of her top.
But this, let me tell you, is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.
You know, how in your daily existence you spend a [...]
I LOVE LOOSEY LUCY
Thursday, September 25th, 2008First off, let me say that not in one million years would I ever think I’d be writing about an I Love Lucy porno movie. Ever. And that is why I am frightened.
But I am a journalist, and there is a code amongst us to always look for a good story, no matter how silly [...]
TERRORISTS 2, AMERICA 0
Thursday, September 25th, 2008There was a movie about Hunter S. Thompson called Where The Buffalo Roam starring Bill Murray back in the late 1970s. Although a classic in my eyes, I’m sure not a lot of people have seen it.
Anyway, there is a scene where Craig T. Nelson (from the show Coach) as a cop is testifying against some [...]
SECOND RATE? ME?
Wednesday, September 24th, 2008Listen, I know all about protecting friends. I do it all the time. Not tough guy protecting, of course, but when I hear things about my good friends that could be bad for their career, I somehow forget to write about it on this site. It is just part of the job.
And when there’s money [...]
WHAT HAPPENED TO SCOTT LYONS?
Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008Barrett was at my house on Sunday shooting Massage Parlor. Scott Lyons was one of the guys hired to get whacked off.
Now, I haven’t seen Scott in quite a few years. The last thing I remember about him was that he weighed around 100 pounds and had a huge fucking cock.
The lovely and talented Charlie [...]
I’M STUCK ON HUSTLER, ‘CAUSE HUSTLER’S STUCK ON YOUNG CHICKS
Monday, September 22nd, 2008I was trying to be clever and change the old Band-Aid commercial (”I’m stuck on Band-Aids, ’cause Band Aids stuck on me!) but I don’t think it worked.
Hey, you win some and you lose some. Too bad I’m on one hell of a losing streak.
Still I try. Is that worth nothing?
I’ve noticed one thing after getting Hustler [...]
HILLARY SCOTT: PORN ICON
Monday, September 22nd, 2008The last time I saw Hillary was the day I spent with her for a Hustler article I was writing a few years back.
It seems that since she signed a contract with SexZ Pictures she’s been in hiding.
Apparently they were just waiting for the perfect movie for Hillary to star in.
It seems they found that [...]
MIKE SOUTH ADMITS TO BEING A PIMP
Saturday, September 20th, 2008Mike South (the fat ass moron from Georgia who some have mistaken for Bigfoot) admitted today that he RECEIVES (current tense) money from Adam & Eve as part of Kayden Kross’s deal with Adam & Eve.
So what have we learned? South is a schill for both Adam & Eve and Kross, therefore he lubes up [...]
ADAM & EVE MISFIRES
Friday, September 19th, 2008Adam & Eve has issued a statement (allegedly) regarding contract star Kayden Kross’s legal issues….
from adultfyi.com - This issue is being fueled by an ex-boyfriend who has been charged on multiple occasions and is a convicted domestic abuser. Ms. Kross’ case will be vigorously defended and she is looking forward to her day in court [...]
TAYLOR RAIN SAYS: BRING ON THE NEEDLES!
Friday, September 19th, 2008A few years ago while TR was still a performer in the sex business, a guy she had recently worked with called and told her that he had tested positive for gonorrea, and that she should probably go down and take care of it before it got bad.
Taylor, I found out that day, hates needles. Especially [...]
UFOs: REAL OR REALLY RETARDED?
Friday, September 19th, 2008I got an email from my old buddy Mystery Cock AKA J. Nocera who along with his family owns many Boston area restaurants including the wonderful Chateau in Waltham.
Apparently, J. is interested in UFOs. I for one think they’re completely bogus, that there is no way in hell they exist. And if they do, why would [...]
VICTIM IN ALLEGED KAYDEN KROSS SCAM SPEAKS OUT
Friday, September 19th, 2008I spoke yesterday afternoon to T.J., the man who allegedly lost his house to Kayden Kross’ real estate scam.
Can you run through what happened?
About three years ago, I was hurt on the job. I was put on disablity, and was waiting for my workers comp check. Unfortunately, this put me in kind of a financial [...]
THIS LOONY CHICK FUCKED A FIVE YEAR OLD BOY
Friday, September 19th, 2008Leave it to Florida to house a chick like this.
Kelly Lumadue, 33, was dumb enough to have sex with a five year old boy and videotape it.
A trashman found the videotapes and turned them into police. I’m wondering if they were labeled SEX WITH FIVE YEAR OLD ’cause how else would the trashman know unless [...]
KEEP TRYING KID… SOMEDAY YOU’LL GET IT RIGHT
Thursday, September 18th, 2008I love this guy Ryan Rayzer over at my old stomping ground Lukeford.
The kid tries so hard, but he just keeps falling short.
Today he put up several stories related to the Kayden Kross incident, nothing like getting into the action 24 hours later!
Same for AVN, last night they post the story about Kayden and they [...]
SWISS RESTAURANT TO COOK WITH HUMAN BREAST MILK
Thursday, September 18th, 2008Okay, even with all the craziness surrounding Taylor and Keith’s new baby and the fact that fluids are flying and poop is everywhere, I find this quite disgusting.
Like, really disgusting.
French toast made with breast milk does not sound appetizing. Even in my worst drug-addled nightmares would I even even dream of something as wrong as this.
But [...]
DRIVING AND DOING COCAINE IS SAFE
Thursday, September 18th, 2008When I first came out to Los Angeles back in ‘95 to follow a woman and get hooked on meth, I chose to drive the 3,000 miles instead of just flying.
Not smart.
But I had a plan: I would get a bunch of cocaine, like a 1/2 ounce, and use it to drive straight across the [...]
KAYDEN KROSS…. THE MORTGAGE BROKER
Wednesday, September 17th, 2008Dick Bandit here, I’m staying with my uncle Scott while my mother Taylor Rain spends some quality time with her newborn Emma Valentina. I wanted to report that I just overheard a very long and in-depth conversation between Fayner and the actual mortgage broker who was in the middle of the entire Kayden Kross case, [...]
MIKE ‘THE MORON’ SOUTH WEIGHS IN ON KAYDEN KROSS
Wednesday, September 17th, 2008The hillbilly mouth of the south weighs in from his ‘casa de redneck shack’ in Georgia….
By MikeSouth
Lots of stories going around about our own Kayden Kross. I have been aware of this situation for some time and know all the details that the other guys aren’t getting.
Trust that what you may be reading on lesser [...]
ADAM & EVE CONTRACT STAR KAYDEN KROSS ARRESTED ON FOUR FELONY CHARGES!
Wednesday, September 17th, 2008Listen, we all do bad things from time to time. Some worse than others, of course, but who among us can honestly say they’ve never done something horrible?
Kayden Kross can’t.
Kayden Kross has been a bad, bad girl.
Kross, an Adam & Eve contract star and whose real name is none of your business, is expected in [...]
SHE’S BUSTED!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, September 17th, 2008I got a call last night that I still have to check up on, but at the moment it looks as if a popular contract girl just got busted by the FEDS doing something very, very bad.
I’ll throw up the details as soon as they can be confirmed.
But this is good, kiddies, and not a [...]
WANNA LOOK LIKE A DOUCHE? STEP ONE: WEAR YOUR PANTS AROUND YOUR ANKLES
Tuesday, September 16th, 2008Listen, I’m all for personal freedoms to wear whatever you want. After living in South Beach Miami for a bit, I’m pretty sure nothing a man wears can faze me anymore. But there is one men’s trend I’ve never understood, never liked and always thought was the ultimate declaration of douchedom: baggy pants like the [...]
TRUST ME, COCAINE AND HAIR DON’T MIX
Tuesday, September 16th, 2008Once, some years back, Taylor Rain was really mad at me for doing so much cocaine. Real mad.
I remember she grabbed my plate of blow and ran off into her bedroom. She returned without it. Obviously, like the addict I was, I went looking for it. She followed close behind yelling at me and calling [...]
WHY THIS DOG IS BETTER THAN PORN CHICKS
Tuesday, September 16th, 2008We’ve all seen porn chicks over the years do some pretty silly things. Stupid, too. Many times. If I had the energy to sit here and write down all the retarded things I’ve seen porn girls do, I’d be here for a very long time and would probably get a massive headache I wouldn’t really [...]
COUNTDOWN TO XXX COMEDY HEAVEN: 190 HOURS
Monday, September 15th, 2008Like I’ve said before, I’m wicked fucking psyched for the release of the Not Bewitched XXX flick. Rumor is this movie is so protected even the President of the United States couldn’t get an advanced copy if he wanted one. And I bet he does.
I wonder if this will be as big as the Brady [...]
THE JEWISH MODESTY SQUAD IN JERUSALEM
Monday, September 15th, 2008The Jews have spent their whole existence fighting others, from Egypt and Rome to Nazis and the Arab world. It is a surprise that the race is still standing. Seriously.
But the times they are a changing, said a Jew named Dylan. And boy how they change!
I’m reading today about gangs in Jerusalem, ultra-Orthodox “modesty” squads, who [...]
VEGETABLES ARE BAD
Monday, September 15th, 2008For years, ever since I can remember, I’ve told my mother that I hate the taste of vegetables. I’m sure I’m not the only one, either. Most men who enjoy things like vagina usually don’t like vegetables. Gay dudes LOVE vegetables, probably to shove them into their rectums. But I don’t want to be thinking [...]
SHY LOVE HAS NEW BOOBS…….
Sunday, September 14th, 2008……………. but someone forgot to tell her it was her teeth that needed the work!!!!!!
We here at Fayner dot com wish Shy much continued success, now that she has new boobs look for Shy to take over the entire adult industry, as a performer, director, agent, dancer, accountant, therapist and all around incredible human being.
I [...]
DARKKO’S NEW SERIES
Thursday, September 11th, 2008It is always a good day when I hear that my good friend and one of the best porn directors ever Jonni Darkko is coming out with a new series.
Today is a good day. That means I heard today about his new series, titled Pound Pussy.
The first one stars Sindee Jennings, Tori Black and Kristina [...]
THE REAL REASON BEHIND 9/11
Wednesday, September 10th, 2008Many people and things have been blamed for 9/11, including the Jews, oil money and Dick Cheney.
And before today I could have seen any one of those things as the main reason 9/11 happened. But now, after the information I have been given, I must say that I know exactly why the planes crashed into [...]
IF WE TURN AND RUN MAYBE IT’LL GO AWAY
Wednesday, September 10th, 2008Chances are you’d slit your ugly wife’s throat as she sleeps or in front of the children for the chance to pound Savanna Samson’s wonderful vagina.
Did you know that once a friend of mine who shall remain nameless called me from his phone that was inside Savanna’s asshole on speakerphone?
And what I’m about to say [...]
SO WHAT SO WHAT SO WHAT’S THE SCENARIO?
Wednesday, September 10th, 2008I have somewhere like 500 Naughty America scenes saved on my computer for a rainy day, and it is a good thing too since my password has been revoked due to handing it out like candy to married friends back East who are drunk and not getting any from their cold wives.
Anyway, I decided to [...]
HOW HUSTLER VIDEO SAVED THE DAY #113
Tuesday, September 9th, 2008Staci and Dez moved out of the house, which meant they were taking the big television and the sofas and the fridge with them. It makes sense.
But that meant I had to get all my shit out of the garage to replace what they took. The fridge, which hadn’t been cleaned before being stored away, [...]
ASS CLEAVAGE: ON HEIDI, YES…ON NICK, NO
Tuesday, September 9th, 2008Something I forgot to talk about the other day when I was writing about Nick Manning was that he had ass cleavage.
Now I remember clearly many years back (or maybe just a few) when Kisten Price first introduced me to ass cleavage. Or at least the term “ass cleavage.” I always called it plumber butt.
Anyway, [...]
GO AWAY JEWS!!!!
Monday, September 8th, 2008Being that I’ve found JESUS and no longer am a Jew, I feel it is now my non-Jew responsibility to hate the Jews.
Right? Everyone hates the Jews who isn’t one, that’s the game, right?
Yup.
So now I hate the Jews. Smelly, ugly people with webbed feet and hairy ears.
Ewww!!
Anyway, I was reading today about a city [...]
NICK MANNING: AS AWESOME AS HE WANTS TO BE
Monday, September 8th, 2008Nick Manning is hotter than you. He’s hotter than me. He’s almost hotter than Brad Pitt. That’s how awesome he is.
So obviously I was super stoked when Nick walked up my driveway yesterday to shoot a scene I allowed to be done inside that my good pal Barrett Blade was directing for Massage Parlor. Nick [...]
WHY I FOUND JESUS
Sunday, September 7th, 2008Okay, here’s the deal: I’m sick and tired of Luke Ford the actual person being known as the Jew who writes about porn.
I’m the real Jew, 100% running through my blood, and here he is some Australian who converted to Judiasm and he is the Jewish porn writer?
That sucks for me, especially since I’ve just [...]
TOO LEGIT TO QUIT (HEY HEY)
Friday, September 5th, 2008So I know I said I was gonna stop doing this bullshit I’ve been doing for many years now, but truthfully I believe I would miss it and you all a great deal and therefore am giving it another shot.
Sorry I’ve been gone so long, but I’ve been dealing with my mother coming to visit, [...]
TICK TOCK TICK TOCK
Tuesday, August 19th, 2008Everyone around these parts are anxiously awaiting former smut slut Taylor Rain’s baby to arrive via Stork Express, which is having some difficulty we assume due to the bad weather caused by my storm TS Fay.
Sorry, TR!!!!
I’ve been checking out the fence around my house to make sure that when TR’s daughter comes and her dogs [...]
WHEN PEOPLE DO STUPID THINGS #63
Tuesday, August 19th, 2008(Anyone else realize that the latest pre-hurricane tropical storm is named after me? Yeah, that’s right, its named FAY!!! I guess I am that popular afterall!)
Anyway, you must check out this video of a guy in Florida attempting to Kite Surf during a tropical storm. Remember that the winds are around 60 miles an hour, [...]
GOD’S COOL TRICK
Tuesday, August 19th, 2008Physical abnormalities are usually a huge bummer, that’s for sure. Many suffer years of anguish and torment because of it, as a kid with a grapefruit-sized lump on his head or one hand that’s a claw usually have a tough time with life.
But mistakes are sometimes cool; Just ask the guy in Guam with two [...]
WE COULD BE HEROES
Monday, August 18th, 2008Great people do great things. And for those people, we’ve got awards that show how great they are.
Musicians have the Grammys.
Actors have the Oscars.
Football players got a Super Bowl ring.
And I’m sure top surgeons have some statue, too, when they do amazing things.
Writers, it seems, only have the Pulitzer Prize to strive for, and anyone [...]
HEY UGLY CHICKS: PACK YOU BAGS!!!
Monday, August 18th, 2008I was reading this morning about the mayor of Queensland in Australia calling for all ugly chicks to move there since there are too many guys and even ugly ones would land a good man.
Or something like that.
He said afterwards that he meant no harm to ugly chicks, just that the area is perfect for [...]