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« Previous EntriesSCOTT WEILAND THINKS MATT SORUM IS FUCKED UP ON DRUGS? GOD, HE MUST REALLY BE BAD OFF…
Monday, March 24th, 2008Those of you who know my work from the LukeFord days know about my beef with Velvet Revolver drummer Matt Sorum. But if you don’t, here’s the 411 on the whole thing.
I played drums in a band called Bad Apples. I did too much coke. Monte didn’t shower. Nate’s balls hadn’t dropped yet. Dan was allergic to […]
TEAGAN PRESLEY: THE MOST PERFECT WIFE ON EARTH
Monday, March 24th, 2008So I finally went to see Teagan and Tyler’s new baby on Saturday. What a cutie she is!!!! If there was a woman out there who would even consider making a baby with me I think I’d go for it ’cause sure dogs are fucking awesome and all but a little version of yourself is […]
A FULL-FACE TRANSPLANT!
Sunday, March 23rd, 2008I’m assuming this is not a joke. But the picture on the right does look a little like a cartoon of a black dude who just got punched in the face like fifty or so times. Damn!
So this it seems is the miraculous first-ever performed full-face transplant!
I can think of a dozen chicks who could […]
THINK I HAVE WHAT IT TAKES?
Sunday, March 23rd, 2008Have you seen the commercial for the Red Bull-sponsored Flugtag competitions coming this summer? I have. I want to sign up and win. Oh, here is what Flugtag is in case you don’t know…
Flugtag is an event sponsored by Red Bull in which competitors attempt to fly in homemade flying machines. The flying machines are […]
JENNA IS PISSED OFF
Sunday, March 23rd, 2008I’m not sure what Jenna Jameson is yapping about here, and I don’t much care, but maybe one of you does so here it is: Jenna Jameson angry at some guy named Dana from her myspace page.
I usually don’t comment on nastiness in the press, but I couldn’t ignore Dana Whites’ ramblings any longer. His […]
PAMELA ANDERSON AVAILABLE ‘AGAIN’
Saturday, March 22nd, 2008It seems like former “Baywatch” star Pamela Anderson is not t he only wanting her brief marriage to Rick Salomon dissolved, he filed his own annulment petition Friday to annul their five-month marriage.
After getting married surprisingly fast and spending only two months together, Anderson decided she wants out citing fraud reasons. Salomon, who gained notoriety […]
AIDS BURGER IN PARADISE*
Saturday, March 22nd, 2008Well this ain’t very good news…
It seems two “miracle” vaccines that were supposed to keep people from getting AIDS now actually could increase the chance of getting the deadly virus.
It is the equivalent of thinking you’re getting on a bus to Iowa and you end up in downtown Kenya.
How did this happen? Well, instead of […]
BLAST FROM THE PAST
Friday, March 21st, 2008So I’ve come across the archives from LukeFord up to the time I sold the site, and it has been a blast looking though some of the deranged things I’ve written over the years and imagine how fucked up I must have been to have conceptualized them.
An example?
Now remember, this was supposed to be a porn […]
KEITH MOON WOULD HAVE BEEN SO PROUD
Friday, March 21st, 2008Most of you are probably too young to remember Keith Moon, but he was before his death the insane drummer for the legendary rock band, The Who. He was also, according to many a tale, the ultimate prankster.
Once, I believe at a Holiday Inn in New York City during one of their American tours, the […]
READER EMAILS
Friday, March 21st, 2008Well, at least I’ve got one tiny nugget. I could have sworn I had the entire Jeremy Steele saga recorded for posterity somewhere, but I can’t find it for the life of me. If I do stumble upon it I’ll shoot it over to you. His mother’s use of the term “lumber” made […]
NO BOOB SHOTS FOR RENEE ZELLWEGER
Friday, March 21st, 2008LOS ANGELES (FoxNews) — With a resume that boasts three Academy Award nominations (and one win), one would think Renee Zellweger could pretty much choose whatever roles she desires.
She says this is not the case — but she can pick which roles she doesn’t want.
“I wouldn’t say I can choose absolutely any movie role […]
SEX AT MERVYNS… WHY NOT
Friday, March 21st, 2008Teenage couple arrested for having sex on mall store’s floor
Merced Police said they arrested two Ballico teenagers Saturday afternoon on lewd behavior charges after they allegedly were having sexual intercourse in the Mervyns store at the Merced Mall.
The boy and the girl, who were between 14 and 15 years old, were apparently spotted in the […]
IS THERE NOTHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT?
Friday, March 21st, 2008The virus that is TMZ really has dug itself into a dirty, dark corner since its birth however long ago it started.
You see, celebrities take breaks from being douchebags every once in a while.
And when that happens, what becomes of shows like TMZ if there’s nothing worthy to report is they just report on whatever […]
CAN WE GET K-FED ONE OF THESE???
Thursday, March 20th, 2008Now this is a hell of a story: Some old dude in Australia built a robot from plans he found on the internet and proceeded to teach the robot to shoot him in the head while standing in his driveway.
Say what?!
And how does one build this O.R. Original Robot? you ask. Well, it is quite simple. Actually, […]
A FUNNY KURT LOCKWOOD STORY
Thursday, March 20th, 2008Okay, so we all know about how one-time straight performer Kurt Lockwood went to the dark side by accepting male penis into his dark side for money and maybe even just for fun. The pictures of him and a tranny that have been floating around are some of the most disturbing images I’ve ever seen […]
JUST LIKE I NEVER EXISTED
Thursday, March 20th, 2008You know what truly bites the big one?
Well, I’ll tell you: the fact that my entire writing catalog from LukeFord is gone off the archives…never to be seen again…
Why, you might be asking, would I generate so much content over five plus years and not back it all up??
Good question.
The answer is because I’m super […]
WILL PORN EVER GO GREEN?
Thursday, March 20th, 2008I’ve been thinking long and hard, no pun intended (See Tara, this is how you use it), about the world and how it is dying and how we as the reason behind it dying are really not doing our part to save the future of the human race and the planet itself. Its a bummer.
So […]
WHATEVER IT TAKES
Thursday, March 20th, 2008So this is interesting…
A civil rights group in Israel has attacked the country’s famed Ben Gurion airport security for its use of racial profiling.
Say what?
C’mon people, Israel has been under attack since the land was given to the Jews after WW2. Even for the thousands of years before that, too…
But Israel prides itself on keeping […]
WHY WE LOVE ROXY JEZEL
Wednesday, March 19th, 2008It is no secret that most porn chicks are drugged up wastes of space. They come, they suck cock, they do your drugs and then leave. Sometimes they even won’t leave. It’s an awful sight and it is awfully pathetic.
But Roxy Jezel is a special breed of porn chick. She’s super sober, even more super […]
I’M A BIG, BRIGHT SHINING STAR!
Wednesday, March 19th, 2008Hey go to AVN.com and check out the story my old boss Mike Albo wrote about me.
UGLY LITTLE BITCH!
Wednesday, March 19th, 2008Okay, so I went out last night to dinner and met a stellar chick named Wendy L’Belle who owns the clothing company…um, Ugly Little Bitch (for the life of me I cannot remember her company’s name off the bat ’cause for some reason or another I keep thinking Stupid Little Whore). I must have some issues that I […]
SOME THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T MAKE UP
Wednesday, March 19th, 2008I was reading this morning about a cop in Connecticut who got fired for stealing hot dogs from a court concession stand last year.
Wait, that’s not the funny part.
What is hilarious is that the cop was also charged with trying to intimidate winesses who saw him swiping the pig intestine from the vendor.
I can just […]
HAIR OF THE DOG
Wednesday, March 19th, 2008“does your coat smell like dog ass, too?”
Taylor has been saying for years now that when my beloved dog Rhiannon finally passes away, she wants to use her to make a shawl. I don’t think I’ll let her accomplish that goal ’cause for one I think its gross as hell and two I wanna get […]
THE NEWEST EPIDEMIC HITTING THE STREET!
Wednesday, March 19th, 2008Last night I was out having sushi with three beautiful women. After getting over the lashing we took from an old lady with a hip replacement who didn’t enjoy being told she drank too much sake, we settled into a lovely meal that mostly consisted of rice vodka (a close second behind Russian and Polish […]
NEW NEW YORK GOVERNOR HAS AFFAIRS TOO… JUST NOT WITH A HOOKER
Wednesday, March 19th, 2008Original posting at 7:27 a.m. ET: N.Y. Gov. David Paterson, who took over the state’s top job yesterday after Democrat Eliot Spitzer officially resigned amid a prostitution scandal, has told the Daily News that he and his wife, Michelle, had affairs during a rough patch in their marriage several years ago.Over the course of several […]
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