HALLOWEEN…HO HUM
By Fayner | October 24, 2008
Or maybe it will be ho hummer? Doubt it…the last time I got head on Halloween was when Pamela Peaks’s friend started blowing me at Ivar in front of everyone and then Testa told me it was a guy and I freaked out but a few days later I met her again and discovered that she is a woman and that made me happy.
Anyway, I got my sister and her new man coming into town next weekend. I was thinking of taking them to the All Media Play Halloween bash down at Social, but I’m not sure she wants to do a crazy Hollywood night since she’s an old lady now. I’m gonna try and make her go so we’ll see…
The girls who live here are all super excited about Halloween I guess ’cause it’s there first one here in L.A.
Charley is going as a slutty pirate I think.
Bailey is going as a slutty tarot card reader I think.
Ce Ce is going as a slutty Veteranarian assistant I think.
I’m gonna try and stay as far away from them as possible on Halloween if I know what’s good for me…
Topics: Story | 4 Comments »
BEST NAME FOR A COMPANY EVER
By Fayner | October 23, 2008
So I just got new tires for my car, and low and behold when I checked them out later it says KUM HO on each of them in big letters.
Figures considering I spend most of the day driving CUM soaked HOs around town…
Topics: Story | No Comments »
TO KILL A HUMMERWHORE
By Fayner | October 22, 2008
So I’m sitting around after breakfast with Testa and the chicks. We’re stoned watching some movie called The Perfect Murder.
“I could so get away with killing you girls,” I told them all.
“Really?” Charley replied. “How would you do it?”
“I could do lots of things. I could blame it on Smokie after making a mold of her mouth and then clamping it onto your necks over and over again. I could throw you in the pool and hold you down with the pool skimmer. I could just beat you with baseball bats and then lug your bodies down to the 7-11 dumpster.”
“You’ll need my help for that,” Testa told me.
“Yeah! And you’ll all have drugs in your systems, too. Open and shut case. They’ll never suspect me.”
“And there will be no money in your purses, either!”
“Well then they’ll be suspicious,” Charley shot back. “Porn chicks always have money on them!”
Me and Testa looked at each other. If they only knew.
Anyway, there must be tons of great ways to kill a porn chick I thought I’d give some of you a chance to come up with some too. Go for it.
Now I’m thinking there are so many great ways
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
THE GIRL AT THE DMV
By Fayner | October 21, 2008
The girl at the DMV today looked EXACTLY like Jenna Haze when she was brand new to the business. Maybe even hotter since I’ve never seen her doused in semen.
Yet.
She had the exact same features and perky breasts and her nose was the same and the lips and she had a tight little ass I hope she was 18 ’cause otherwise this would be wrong.
I wanted to ask her if I could take her home and make her do all the things I’ve seen guys do to Jenna Haze, but then they called my number so I had to go deal with the DMV people. But I kept checking back to see what Young Jenna was up to.
And then she was gone.
I was hoping to find her sucking off a bunch of guys in the parking lot but instead some guy went into the porta potty and began yelling ’cause I guess it was way nasty and I forgot all about the Young Jenna and if she was sucking cock out in the parking lot.
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
BREAKING NEWS!!! RON JEREMY TURNS DOWN FREE MEAL!!!
By Fayner | October 21, 2008
I’ve been super sad the last few days, and have been slugging around the house in a daze.
Why? you’re probably asking.
Well, last week I had my friends from Nantucket in town and we were gonna go down to The Rainbow in Hollywood for the best meal in the city. And since they’re in L.A., I thought it would be cool if I got Ron Jeremy to come down to eat with us so they could meet a celebrity.
So I called his super private phone number.
“Fayner! How are you?”
“Good, Ron. I was calling to invite you to dinner tonite at the Rainbow. Can you make it?”
“I wish I could, but I’m speaking tonite in another city.”
“I’m paying. Anything you want on me!”
“Geez, I really wish I could.”
“Get on a plane right now and we’ll meet you there.”
“I can’t.”
“So Ron Jeremy is turning down a free meal? Is that what you’re saying?”
“I guess so.”
For the record, Ron Jeremy has never turned down a free meal. I’ve watched him lick his plate clean at Lawry’s and then take mine and do the same thing. He’s even been seen stuffing shrimp in his pockets at a party just like Moe on the Simpsons.
Awesome.
Topics: Story | No Comments »
THIS STORY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CHARLEY CHASE BUT WHAT THE HELL
By Fayner | October 20, 2008
So my new roomie Charley Chase has been getting her room all cool and comfy. Wait, I guess this story does have a little to do with Charley.
Whatever.
So in Charley’s room she has this cute canopy thing I think its called hanging from the four posts.
I was commenting on how nice her room is to my friend Billy and I said, “I want one of them mosquito nets for my bed, too.”
Then I said, “Wouldn’t it be funny if I had a mosquito net and I jerked off in it and was trapped inside this JizzNet?”
No one said a word.
I thought it would be funny.
Topics: Story | No Comments »
WHO’S NAILIN’ PAYLIN? IS READY FOR YOUR PENIS
By Fayner | October 17, 2008
I hear that Hustler is done shooting their Who’s Nailin’ Paylin? flick in record time, which will be great ’cause it should be out and in your greedy little hands by the time we all have to go out and vote for Obama.
But who of us hasn’t thought about shoving our dicks into Sarah Palin’s sweet, sweet vagina? I know I have. And the government can’t do anything about it ’cause its all in my imagination and as far as I know they can’t restrict that yet.
Lisa Ann is the perfect Sarah Palin, only with bigger tits and the willingness to get cock shoved inside her on camera. That makes Lisa Ann better than Palin.
Buy a subscription to www.Hustler.com and you can watch the first hardcore scene, debuting Wednesday, October 15, 2008 which was two days ago meaning you should get right on it and catch up on all the whacking you’ll obviously be doing.
Topics: Story | No Comments »
TAYLOR RAIN IS A CHEATER
By Fayner | October 16, 2008
So as you may know, Taylor and I on Sunday are doing a charity walk for doggies in Woodland Hills. It’s a 5k walk which I think means just over 3 miles.
I can do that easy as pie. So can my pooch Sara Rib-Eye.
TR on the other hand might have some trouble doing the walk, which is why she’s decided to cheat by buying some of these roller sneakers in hopes of gliding through the walk with La Bella pulling her all the way!
Does one see a disaster in her future? You betcha! Chances of her crashing on her roller sneakers are very good.
Hopefully I’ll have pictures of her sitting on her ass.
Topics: Story | No Comments »
AVN HEAD OF SALES ON COKE???
By Fayner | October 16, 2008
A super-duper reliable source tells me that Chris LeBrun, the head of sales at AVN, got caught doing blow at Internext in Miami, and is now taking manditory drug tests every two weeks at the magazine headquarters.
I bet he’s one hell of a salesman!!!!
Topics: Story | 3 Comments »
TURNING JAPANESE
By Fayner | October 14, 2008
Living with Staci for a year made me fear the Japanese. She’d always be screaming at me:
“Don’t cook that fish!”
“Take off your shoes!”
“Fly that plane into a boat!”
“Brush your teeth with rice!”
But now she’s gone off to O.C., leaving us all behind. I’m sad.
But not for long!!!
Why?
Because Hustler just released Asian Fever: Toyko Girls!
Now I can get all the Japanese I did when Staci was here only these chicks are all naked with huge dicks in their mouths, asses and pussies.
All Staci did was walk around bowing and making oragami.
Just kidding…
She did make one hell of a sushi roll, though…
Topics: Story | No Comments »
A CHAT WITH SHAWNA LENEE
By Fayner | October 14, 2008
I was Facebook IMing with Shawna last night who is in New York with Penthouse going to Howard Stern’s show this morning. We’re both not getting enought sex so we decided to just have it with each other when she returns later today.
So we’re talking and I tell her I happened to see her cover for Hustler a few months back which gave me a semi-boner. She was pleased.
“I like my Penthouse pictures better!” she tells me. “Mark Lit is great, but there were better pictures I wish he used!”
Poor baby, I said.
Then Shawna says to Daisy who is sharing a room with her: “Yeah, you can play your violin!”
“Aw, that sucks,” I replied. “She’s playing a mini violin for ya ’cause you’re bummed about the Hustler pics!”
“No!” Shawna yelled. “She’s really playing a violin!”
And she was, I could hear it. Apparently they’re having some sort of talent competition on Stern’s show, and Daisy’s is playing the violin. Coming from a Russian family with many amazing violin players, I thought she wasn’t too good from what I could hear over the phone, but I’m sure that pussy Stern will love it ’cause he sucks too.
Anyway, Shawna is coming back today and we’re gonna fuck. Just thought you’d wanna know that…
Topics: Story | 2 Comments »
SORRY
By Fayner | October 13, 2008
I’ve been doing my other job as a volunteer firefighter so I couldn’t get to the computer all day. Sorry. I’ll be back tomorrow.
Topics: Story | 5 Comments »
WHICH IS WORSE?
By Fayner | October 9, 2008
So yesterday I’m told to go down to Walmart (I wanted to write Walgreens which shows my Boston roots…) and grab ten pairs of small panties, a polaroid camera and a few boxes of douches. I wasn’t too happy about the assignment, so I called Nate who does this sort of thing on a regular basis to see what I should expect but he didn’t pick up so I was forced to do it without his support and I thought along the way that it was creepy and pedophile-like that I was getting a polaroid camera and little panties but I went forth nonetheless.
You think that was bad?
Today I had to go to the liquor store - the one I go to every day where everybody knows my name and they’re always glad I came - another Boston thing - and pick up rasberry flavored vodka and wine coolers. I had to make sure they knew it wasn’t for me but they still laughed.
“From Russian Standard to Stoli Rasberi?” they asked.
“Leave me alone.”
Which would your rather not do out of these two terrible jobs????
Topics: Story | 7 Comments »
KAYLA PAGE: THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME
By Fayner | October 9, 2008
Kayla Page shows up at the house today to shoot a girl on girl scene with the lovely and talented Cassidey for her official web site. At the same moment she arrived, so did the weed guy.
“Oh, you should have told me!” Kayla shouted. “My apartment is right above a weed store!”
“Really?” I asked. “That’s fucking great. I live next to some really old people who hate me ’cause of the last people who lived here being so loud!”
“Oh, that sucks. And I also live above a massage parlor that gives happy endings!”
“Wow!” I said, “Testa would love to live where you live. He lives for asian chicks who look like asian boys jerking him off in a sterile room. Plus, he likes weed!”
“Where do you live?” Testa asked her.
“Don’t answer that!” I told Kayla. “It’s best not letting him know where you live. Trust me.”
But seriously, how awesome is that having a weed store and a rub n tug right below you?
Pretty awesome if you ask me…
Topics: Story | No Comments »
LIFE SUCKS FOR TONY TESTA
By Fayner | October 8, 2008
Sure, you probably already knew that, but no, it is much worse for him than you think.
For instance, did you know that he just got out of jail after serving 6 weeks for three DUIs in two years?
Yeah.
But what is worse for him is that last night Tony Testa was 86d from the Powerhouse bar in Hollywood which is pretty much the sleaziest piece of crap drinking spot in the whole city.
What did he do to deserve being kicked out? Probably something real bad like pissing on a dude or calling people nigger.
I feel bad for him, I think he has a serious problem with drugs.
Topics: Story | No Comments »
PUSSY FESTIVAL!!! BUT NOT THE KIND YOU’RE THINKING OF…
By Fayner | October 8, 2008
I know what you’re thinking if you just looked at the picture of the cat to your left.
(No, your left.
There you go.)
You were thinking, “Mmm, that looks so yummy!”
I know, I was thinking the same exact thing.
So are hundreds of towns people in Canete, near Lima, where an annual cat eating festival has brought uproar from - you guessed it - PETA.
Is breeding cats for consumption considered animal cruelty? I guess to PETA, spanking a bad dog is a capital crime so this must be much worse.
Listen, just ’cause we in America find something wrong doesn’t mean a culture much older than us must stop doing it. I’m the biggest dog fan you’ll ever meet next to Ava Devine - only I don’t want them to fuck me - and I would never eat a dog by choice, and I don’t mind how some cultures eat them. How can I? They were doing that shit thousands of years before America even came to be, right?
These townfolk believe eating cats can cure bronchial disease. They think eating cats will get them horny.
Who are we to stop them?
Read all about it here
Topics: Story | No Comments »
YOU KNOW THE INDUSTRY’S FUCKED WHEN…
By Fayner | October 8, 2008
I’ve had some dangerous jobs in my life: Lugging lumber in -20 degree weather, mowing lawns after all-night drug parties, bathing cats with sharp claws, being Taylor Rain’s assistant.
All harrowing jobs, indeed…
None if these I thought would compare to being hired by former Vivid star and current Own star Cassidey AKA Bobert Knox or whatever else she goes by to drive her around ’cause she’s here this week shooting exclusive content for her new web site Club Cassidey.
I imagined how I would be risking my life every time we saw a pretty girl go by ’cause Cassidey would demand I pull over so she could rape the hot chick while I stand guard behind some Asian donut shop on Ventura.
But I was surprised to see that living in Texas has calmed the once-manic Cassidey down a bit. Elated, I think the word should be. Yeah, elated.
Cassidey sure has changed, so instead of making me run to the liquor store for a bottle of wine she suggested that I take her to get a tan.
Really? No tying up chicks in the trunk and then taking them back to an undisclosed location for future sexcapades?
Cassidey went into the tanning room, and I sat in the lobby twiddling my thumbs.
Mark Davis comes in.
You know who he is. He’s the guy whose shot like 5,000 porn scenes and doused pretty much every porn chick you’ve ever seen with jizz. He is a hero.
We say our hellos, and I notice that he’s still looking real buff and fit meaning that he’s still clean and sober. Sure, he’s had his demons as we all have, but now he’s realized that drugs aren’t the answer to many of life’s questions except for “How would you like to ruin your life today?”
But Mark tells me that even he isn’t working a lot, and I feel that if people aren’t hiring the greatest male porn talent ever there is either something wrong with the business or something wrong with Mark Davis. And since Mark Davis is sober and looks like a strapping 20-something porn guy it must be the industry that’s sinking ’cause there ain’t any reason why douchebags are getting work and he isn’t.
“The industry is fucked,” Mark informs me. “No one is shooting, no one has money and no one has good ideas anymore. Its the worst I’ve ever seen it and I’ve been doing this for a long fucking time. I fly up to San Fran to work these days, can you believe it?”
Anyway, I’m not sure where this story is going or what I orignally wanted to say in it so I’ll just stop here okay…
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
ANOTHER REASON TO LOVE BRAD PITT
By Fayner | October 7, 2008
Like we need another reason, right?
But what the fuck, let’s go for it.
Okay.
So Quintin Tarentino is doing a movie about a group of handpicked Jewish American soldiers who murder Nazis in violent ways to undermine the Third Reich.
Awesome.
And Brad Pitt is playing one of ‘em, a hillbilly Jew from Tennessee. Killer, man.
This could be the movie Jews have been looking for since the Germans tried to exterminate us that would finally say, “Fuck you, we’re still alive, bitches!!!!”
Or just be a bloodbath with Pitt looking hot while holding a machete to Josef Mengele’s throat while wearing a Star of David around his neck.
Brad Pitt is so hot.
Read about the movie here
Topics: Story | No Comments »
ARE WE A PERFECT MATCH OR WHAT?
By Fayner | October 7, 2008
No, silly, I don’t use the giant stack of Hustler magazines that rest in my bathroom for beating off…that would be way too analog of me and I ain’t like that anymore.
But if you must know, the Hustler magazines are there to read.
Yeah, that’s right, to read. I read them.
And look at the pretty pictures, too.
But never to whack off. That would be gross.
Anyway, I came across this chick Heather Vandeven, who is the September 2008 centerfold. Super hot with a killer body. Where do I sign up, huh?
But there’s more!
Heather loves Thai food. My favorite!
She likes being alone. Me, too!
She loves artistic guys. Hey, that’s me!
She enjoys getting up early and hiking with her dogs. Wait, that’s my thing, too!
And last but not least, Heather loves classic rock music.
Wait, what?
So what you’re saying is there is this super hot chick named Heather who loves everything that I do?
I want her. Get her for me, will you? We would be so perfect together!!!
Please!!!!!!!!!!
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
AWESOME NEWS FROM HUSTLER VIDEO!!!!
By Fayner | October 6, 2008
Hey bitches! Did you know that just in time for Halloween boners comes the stellar This Ain’t The Munsters XXX complete with porn people dressed like the characters from The Munsters as if you couldn’t figure that out already.
Shawna Lenee stars in it. She was naked at my house yesterday and I must say I did get a boner when she talked to me. She’s quite pretty and funny and smart although she couldn’t answer 9 times 13 fast enough despite telling me she is in school for accounting or some other math-heavy profession.
Silly girl.
So anyway, go and buy This Ain’t The Munsters XXX today and tell ‘em I sent you so Hustler Video will love me.
Also, Hustler is doing a Sarah Palin parody starring Lisa Ann which is perfect because she actually looks just like her and that is a hot thing to me ’cause I love older chicks who have daughter who are sluts.
Yeah!!!!
Topics: Story | No Comments »
ATTENTION PORN CHICKS!
By Fayner | October 6, 2008
I’m working on my next article for Hustler magazine.
Yeah, I’m excited, too.
If any porn chicks read this site which they probably don’t because I suck but I’ll always tell people it is because porn chicks can’t read then I’d like you the porn chick to email me or call me because I need a few porn chicks to use in the article which could lead to some big things like stardom and some smaller things like my penis in your mouth.
Seriously though, if you wanna be in Hustler email me at [email protected] and let’s discuss the premise of the piece and whether what you have to offer is what I need.
Thanks
Topics: Story | No Comments »
PORN GUYS JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND
By Fayner | October 6, 2008
Listen, I ain’t gonna say the male talent guy’s name ’cause I’m past all of that, but I guess we can say he has the last name of a crappy trendy clothing company if it truly matters for the flow of this story…
Anyway, Barrett Blade was again at my house shooting Massage Parlor which means a few girls show up at the house in addition to the three that are living here now and most of them like drinking and smoking weed by the pool without their clothes on.
It makes sense.
So this one guy shows up yesterday and does his scene and then comes outside and starts hanging out.
“Are you shooting again today?” I asked him after like 20 minutes.
“Naw,” He replied.
“Then why are you still here?”
He kinda looked around the table where are the chicks were and gave me a “why the fuck not? There’s naked girls here!” look which is not a good enough answer for me.
Seriously, this is not how it is supposd to be done. People like Nick Manning have it right, whee he shows up and smokes everyone out and then does his scene and then smokes out and then leaves. He doesn’t stick around trying to fuck the chicks or talk them into requesting them for upcoming scenes or whatever these male performers do.
This guy did.
I told this guy that I’m better than him because I’m a mere reporter and still get more ass than him plus the chicks have to be paid to fuck him. I don’t think he liked that. I didn’t care.
So Porn guy performers: Do your fucking job and leave. No one wants to talk politics with you or be forced to let you grope them ’cause you feel you have the right since you shot together last year once in a shitty house in Reseda.
Blow your fucking load and leave. Got it?
Topics: Story | 3 Comments »
WHO’S THAT KNOCKING ON MY DOOR?
By Fayner | October 1, 2008
Minutes ago, the dogs let me know that they had to go out into the driveway and use the restroom, so I went to open the door.
But before I could, La Bella rushed in front of me and began barking at a guy walking up to the door. I opened the door. Corey Haim was standing there. He had a sweaty tank top on which showed all his amazing tattoos like the Bat Man on his arm.
“Hi, I’m Corey,” he said, offering his hand to shake. For some reason or another I did. His hand was soaked with sweat. His jaw was moving faster than Smokie when I try hitting her with the broom after she’s done something super crappy. That’s pretty fast.
He was high on speed. He still is. Poor kid.
It looks as though he’s traded down to a Jeep Wrangler from his Hummer, unless he crashed it and it was someone else’s car. He looks retarded enough to crash a Hummer.
Anyway, he was picking up one of the chicks who live here now. You know you’re no longer a star when you have to drive all the way to the depths of the Valley to have a chick hang out with you.
Topics: Story | 8 Comments »
IS THERE NO LIMIT TO FAGDOM?
By Fayner | October 1, 2008
I’m watching the new Paris Hilton show on MTV where she looks for a new best friend forever! It is mighty lame but somehow I can’t seem to look away.
What really irks me is this guy(?) Richie Rich (pictured) who just takes the whole “I’m gay! Look at me as I act gay! What ultra-gay thing will I do next?” trend - the one that just won’t seem to go away - just a bit too far.
I mean, I can see anyone who enjoys things in their mouth that are remincent of bananas and kiwis as being a little fruity, but when a gay guy is acting more like a chick than an actual chick it brings shivers down my spine.
Be gay, I don’t give a shit. But this fag is just way too faggy all the time.
It is annoying, and I’m embarassed as an American to come from the same country as this donkey. Freedom of Expression is wonderful and all, but there is a limit to freedom and this cock-thirsty clown crossed the line with the red 80s wicked witch boots if you ask me.
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
MAN SERVES WHOPPER TO TEEN GIRL AT McDONALD’S!
By Fayner | October 1, 2008
Did you see this video?
A man beat the snot out of a teen girl in line at McDonald’s over who was next to order.
Seriously?
Check out the video here
Topics: Story | 2 Comments »
TAYLOR RAIN AND FAYNER TO HELP DOGS IN NEED
By Fayner | October 1, 2008
There is a group called Nuts for Mutts and they’re trying to raise money to help dogs in need of a home as well as turn abandoned canines into therapy dogs.
It is a 3.1 mile walk on October 19th.
I’m walking in Rhiannon’s name which I think she would have wanted me to do if she was still alive.
Won’t you support Rhiannon by sponsoring us in this event? I’m planning on filling my pockets with her ashes so she can be there with us.
My personal page is located here if you’d like to help out. I’ll throw up Taylor’s page, too, once she tells me what it is. I’m sure you’d all rather support her than me. Either way, the dogs win, so I don’t care.
Thanks and I hope to be getting your money soon.
Topics: Story | 2 Comments »
HOW GOOD WILL NOT BEWITCHED XXX BE?
By Fayner | October 1, 2008
The creepy thing is I always had a thing for little Tabitha in the original Bewitched series.
Well, back then it wasn’t that creepy ’cause I was a little kid myself when I imagined being her lover.
Now when I remember this I feel a tad creepy, ’cause I’m an old man and an old man thinking about a little girl is wrong unless if you ask Quasarman’s neighbor and in that case old men touching little girls is a good thing.
But really, its not.
But I’m so stoked that in the Not Bewitched XXX movie Tabitha has been put under some spell and is now an 18 year old hottie played by Teagan Presley.
Actually, since me and her are friends I’m not too stoked she’s in this role because I can’t imagine playing with myself while watching a friend on film.
Okay, I’ll try it, but I’m telling you I don’t think it will work too well.
But I’ll try.
And to further make this release an epic event, XCritic.com has teamed up with the Not Bewitched XXX team to give away some cool muthafuckin’ prizes…
One grand prize is a 10 minute dirty phone call from Teagan. The other is a personalized 10 minute jerkoff tape from Sunny Lane. A bunch of others will get free DVDs of the movie. Go to the XCritic site for more information.
Topics: Story | No Comments »
JUST WHAT I NEEDED
By Fayner | October 1, 2008
So lately I’ve been really missing Rhiannon. She just made everything brighter, more alive to me. Now everything seems lame and dead.
But I’m trying to push on, I really am. I don’t want to be one of them people who mourns their dead dog for years and years.
Yesterday afternoon, I was in one of my moods, so I decided to trek all the way around the corner to Barrett and Testa’s place to clear my head. The house was being used for a porn shoot and there were workers and performers lingering about.
When I walked through the back gate, Christian was in the pool with some skank.
“Awesome!” I shouted. “I was hoping to see your dick today! And here it is!”
And then I was introduced to the chick, who said her name was Rhiannon Something or Something Rhiannon I can’t really recall but all I know is it again made me think of my dead dog and that is never good when standing in front of a naked chick.
And just like Rhiannon Bray before her, this new Rhiannon is also not as good looking as my late canine companion. I thought about telling her exactly this, but instead I had to again see Christian’s dick floating in the pool.
“Has it gotten smaller since the last time I saw you?” I asked him as I walked inside to chug some vodka in hopes of vanishing the sight of man meat in the pool from my memory.
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
WHEN STUPID GIRLS DO STUPID THINGS
By Fayner | September 30, 2008
I was at a shoot the other day and somehow the topic of discussion amongst the porno folk turned to douches and enemas. It was probably due to the fact that all the girls were about to use a douche, but in my stoned state I can never be too sure.
I remember that when I heard what follows I was staring at August’s chest, and although after hearing it I remember looking at boobs just wasn’t that fun anymore.
Okay, so apparently some new chick was doing her first anal scene. The P.A. or whoever handed her an enema, said “Use it before your scene to clean yourself out.”
She went off to do just that.
Then came back. “I don’t feel so good,” she said.
The girl had drank the enema instead of shooting it up her rectum.
Awesome.
Fucking awesome.
No one remember what the girl’s name is, but if anyone out there knows who this happened to (or any other hilarious mishaps) be sure to let me know.
Topics: Story | 3 Comments »
WHAT I WOULD DO TO CINDY McCAIN
By Fayner | September 29, 2008
As this is a P.G. web site, I shall keep this at a decent volume.
I’d do lots of things to Cindy.
I’d bombard her with crab apples
I’d put gum in her hair
I’d kick her and then run away
I’d send her notes in science class with pictures of her with stink lines
I’d kick a friend in the nuts to make her smile
I’d give her my Drakes coffee cake. Well, some of it.
I’d ride my BMX bike real fast down her street and jump a curb while she raked leaves
I’d walk her home from school and tell her I like Prince’s music.
Okay, these were things I did back in Elementary School. I’m too scared to say what I really want to do to Cindy McCain.
Topics: Story | 5 Comments »
THANK YOU, MIT SCIENTISTS!
By Fayner | September 29, 2008
And here I was thinking today was a shitty day. Boy was I wrong!
I just read this awesome story about how some scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) have pretty much figured out how to make an artificial nose.
Obviously, people like me with pasts which are coated in cocaine and cocaine accessories are thrilled to hear this, as our noses have become more and more like swiss cheese as the years go by.
I want a new nose. Can I have one?
Topics: Story | No Comments »
GETTING RID OF PORN CHICKS AIN’T THAT EASY
By Fayner | September 29, 2008
I was reading this morning about an apartment in New York where the landlord, wanting his rent-controlled tenants to move the fuck out so his bosses can make some real money on rent, decided to place dead rotten cats in the hallways so the stink forces the cheap-rent paying tenants out the door.
I guess it didn’t work ’cause they’re suing the building’s owner.
This made me think about how difficult it is to kick a porn chick out of their apartment. It’s pretty hard. I’ve seen it firsthand, a few times. I’ve threatened to toss everything a certain chick owns onto the street, and she was so high on speed she showed up three days later thinking everything is fine.
I doubt a dead cat would work on porn chicks after the horrible things they’re forced to smell on a daily basis. Plus, many of them smell worse themselves.
Ewwww.
Topics: Story | No Comments »
HO HUM
By Fayner | September 29, 2008
I get up early these days, and once my eyes can fully register what the fuck is going on I rush over to the computer and check the porn sites for fun and exciting news and the such to help me start my day.
Okay, so that is a lie. I do get up early, but I never rush to the computer. That would be gay.
So what the hell is up with this guy Al Blanco who has been writing for LIB?
I mean, “ooohhh, I’m drinking booze in a soda cup that no one knows about and I’m going around begging porn chicks for pictures!”
Is that it?
That’s been done many, many , many times over the years.
But not by me. My stories have at least a grain of something exciting going on.
When does this geek go and snort cocaine into one of the chick’s asses? When does he take a leak on Mary Carey’s couch? When does he fuck a porn chick?
My guess is never.
And I ain’t jealous, I mean there’s nothing to get jealous of, right?
Porn chicks are here for us to do with them as we please.It is a waste to not take advantage of that.
Didn’t I interview Jenna Jameson back in my early years with cocaine all over my face after fucking some black porn chick named Cashmere who gave me sexually transmitted diseases while her cousin at Fat Burger and watched us?
Now that’s a story.
Maybe boring works for Luke Is Back, but ’round these parts just meeting a bunch of porno chicks doesn’t get you a story on Scottfayner.com.
Sorry, Al. One day you’ll learn.
I’m just upset that one day when I’m gone, guys like this are gonna fuck up everything I spent years, money and chunks of nose building.
I’ll be damned if I let that happen.
Topics: Story | 3 Comments »
EXCITING NEWS… LARGEST KNOWN PRIME NUMBER FOUND
By FaynerIsBack | September 28, 2008
Here’s a number to savor: 243,112,609-1.
Its size is mind-boggling. With nearly 13 million digits, it makes the number of atoms in the known universe seem negligible, a mere 80 digits.
And its form is tidy and lovely: 2n-1.
But its true beauty is far grander: It is a prime number. Indeed, it is the largest prime number ever found.
The Great Internet Mersenne Prime Search, or GIMPS, a computing project that uses volunteers’ computers to hunt for primes, found the prime and just confirmed the discovery. It can now claim a $100,000 prize from the Electronic Frontier Foundation for being the first to find a prime number that has more than 10 million digits.
Prime numbers make up the “periodic table” of numbers, the building blocks that combine to form all numbers. A prime number is a whole number divisible only by 1 and itself. Euclid in 300 B.C. proved that there are infinitely many of them (click for his beautifully simple proof). Still, that doesn’t make them easy to find. At the beginning of the number line, the primes seem to be everywhere — 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13… — but in the number line’s more distant reaches, prime numbers become elusive.
Because 243,112,609-1 has the form 2n-1, it’s called a “Mersenne prime,” after a French monk born in the 16th century who made an (incorrect) conjecture about them. Mersenne primes are of particular interest partly because they can be expressed in such a compact form. (It sure is easier to write 243,112,609-1 than to type out all 13 million digits!) More significantly, though, some clever methods have been developed to identify them.
The most obvious way to go about identifying any prime number is to try factoring it. First, try dividing by 3, then 5, then 7, etc., and if none of them work, you’ve got a prime. But the last time a new prime was identified this way was in 1588, because as the numbers get bigger, the division takes longer and longer. So mathematicians have developed clever tests for primeness that are simpler to compute. The best one of all, called the Lucas-Lehmer test, only works for Mersenne primes. Remarkably, the method requires no division at all, making it extremely quick.
Only 46 Mersenne primes have ever been found, and GIMPS has found 12 of them. The project recruits volunteers to donate their computers’ CPU cycles when they would otherwise be idle. Each computer works on a single number, first trying to find small factors. If that fails, it applies the Lucas-Lehmer test. A computer working full-time can test a single 10-million-digit number in eight days.
The processing power of all the individual computers linked together is equivalent to one of the most powerful supercomputers in the world. No supercomputer, though, would devote all its processing time to computing prime numbers.
The finding is unlikely to have significance for number theory, although number theory’s great unanswered question, perhaps, is to find how the prime numbers are distributed. Still, “you never know where discoveries may lead you,” says George Woltman, founder of GIMPS. “But really, it’s like climbing Mt. Everest. You do it because it’s there. It’s a lot safer, though. You can do it from the air-conditioned comfort of your home.”
Or, if you prefer, the air-conditioned comfort of your office. The computer that found the prime was administered by Edson Smith at the University of California, Los Angeles mathematics department. Smith downloaded the GIMPS software, and when the computers in the math department weren’t busy with other work, they searched for primes and communicated their results back to GIMPS.
This prime is the eighth found at UCLA, although the first with GIMPS. Half the prize money will go to the UCLA math department, a quarter will go to charity (probably a math department with an open faculty position for number theory, Woltman says) and most of the remainder will go to those who found previous Mersenne primes using GIMPS.
Remarkably, GIMPS found another Mersenne prime two weeks after this one – after a two-year dry spell with no new primes. This prime had fewer digits, just 11 million.
The Electronic Frontier Foundation became interested in prime hunting because it makes an excellent challenge problem for cooperative, distributed computing. “The award is an incentive to stretch the computational ability of the Internet,” says Landon Noll of Cisco Systems Inc., one of the judges for the Electronic Frontier Foundation prize and a discoverer of a former biggest known prime. More prizes remain to be claimed: a $150,000 award for a prime with 100 million digits, and a $250,000 award for one with a billion digits.
GIMPS has used well-established methods, while continuing to refine its implementations for greatest efficiency. Finding the numbers for the larger awards, though, will require major innovations, Noll says: “People are going to have to go back to the drawing board.” He points out that testing a single 100-million–digit number for primeness would take a single desktop computer more than four years, and testing a billion-digit number would take it more than 500 years. So at a minimum, he says, algorithms will have to be developed that allow multiple computers to test a single prime.
Current cryptographic systems rely on the challenge of factoring large primes. This task is distinct from verifying primeness, but the root difficulty is the same: limited computing power. Through this prize, “we maintain a pulse on what people might be able to do in breaking cryptosystems,” Noll says.
Topics: Story | No Comments »
HOW SMART IS THIS IDEA?
By Fayner | September 26, 2008
Okay, so I’m so smart I came up with a great idea for porn fans. Instead of trekking out to Vegas every January to wait in long lines to meet porn chicks, why don’t they just go to AIM Healthcare and sit outside and wait for the dozens of porn chicks who go in to be tested every day.
I was just down at the Granada Hills location and saw Kristal Summers. I know the Sherman Oaks location is much busier, so if I saw one porn chick in 5 minutes there I bet at least 5 an hour go into the other Valley location.
Go there now and count how many porn chicks come in and out in a day. You could meet more outside AIM than at the convention.
No lines, no ID badges and no money spent.
Brilliant.
Let me know how it goes for you.
Topics: Story | 3 Comments »
NOTHING OF MUCH IMPORTANCE
By Fayner | September 26, 2008
Our good friend - and soon to be married - Sweet La Tipsy sent this to me from The Onion. I’m not sure everyone will get it who isn’t well-versed in 80s rock or Van Halen in particular, but I think it would be funny even if you know nothing about nothing.
But that’s me.
So here it is…
JAMIE CRYING
LOS ANGELES—According to local authorities, Jamie, 17, is crying, reportedly over a post-coital rejection by rock star David Lee Roth. “Although Jamie would feel better if she wrote David a letter, she is crying,” said former Van Halen manager Eddie Arnesen. Though sources say Jamie has been in love before, and that she knows what love is for, in this case it was a mere one-night stand, and love should be more than that. Arnesen added that despite the fact that when Roth and Jamie parted, the long-haired, vinyl-clad rocker said, “Gimme a call some time,” Jamie knows what that will get her.
Topics: Story | No Comments »
THE GREATEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN
By Fayner | September 25, 2008
I’ve seen a lot of great things. For instance, today I saw a bloodhound fall into a pool. That was pretty great. So were Charley Chase’s boobs as they fell out of her top.
But this, let me tell you, is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.
You know, how in your daily existence you spend a lot of time on the computer?
Oh yeah, I know it!
Okay, now in that time you look at porn for work purposes, right, and sometimes you see things that may make you a little sick.
An example?
Sure. How about seeing anything that has to do with a guy and another guy having sex?
Perfect. And sure, gays are welcome to do whatever they please like drugging up potential gay guys and raping their asses all night while taking pictures.
Wait, what? No, it happened to a friend of mine. Not me.
To the point, I was over at IAFD and I saw in the top right corner a little thing that says SHOW GAY INFO? ON/OFF and you can decide if you want to see some dude dressed as a sailor shoving a dick in his mouth.
I for one do not.
Not that its wrong.
Every web site from Home and Garden to Office Max to Bicycle Weekly to this site should have the same option on it. I’m gonna ask my super nice web master if he can put that on my site.
Okay, so not the greatest thing ever, but whatever I don’t care anymore
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
I LOVE LOOSEY LUCY
By Fayner | September 25, 2008
First off, let me say that not in one million years would I ever think I’d be writing about an I Love Lucy porno movie. Ever. And that is why I am frightened.
But I am a journalist, and there is a code amongst us to always look for a good story, no matter how silly and scary that story is.
And ever since I heard that redheads don’t feel pain, I’ve found it discomforting even talking about them. Which is why when I said I would go down to the Hustler shoot for Everybody Loves Lucy I smacked myself hard in the face right afterwards.
Why the fuck would you do that?!
Is there anymore useless information I can bore you with before actually writing about the porn set I went down to visit yesterday? I can think of some, but today I think I will spare you from that even though right now as you’re reading this I’m wasting your time saying absolutely nothing about nothing and yet you keep on reading. If there were more than 300 readers of this site I would have to say this country has a serious educational problem.
I once caught my friend Neil’s dad beating off in the bath tub one late night when I was crashing at his house. There was splashing….then faster splashing….then faster….faster….fast…..boom! BOOM!!!!!!
Sorry, I can’t help myself.
So I went at the time I was supposed to be there. People were in the make-up chairs. Don’t you know who I am? I felt like saying. You shoot when I show up! Do you understand what I’m saying to you?!
I wish that’s how the world bounces. Nope. I get as much respect as a chick who takes her teeth out before giving you head.
Wait, is that a good thing or a bad? I’m confused royally now.
No, I would show a chick who took out her teeth out as she began lapping on my dick zero to not much respect at all.
So I was right? God I hope so.
Either way, I’m just saying that having a bunch of young pot smoking chicks move in makes Fayner babble about nothing.
So I went home and came back when Hustler Video Publicist Julie Ambrose called me. She is a very sweet gal. Almost too sweet. I kept an eye on her, not sure if she was going to make me a cup of tea and tuck me in to bed or jump on a table and jam a giant dildo in her ass. I could have gone for either, to tell you the truth.
Chatted with Otto Bauer, who if you don’t know, is an Austrian Social Democrat who is considered one of the leading thinkers of the left socialist Austro-Marxist tendency. He was also an early inspiration for both the for New Left movement and Eurocommunism in their attempt to find a “Third way” to democratic socialism.
Wait…no? Did I get him mixed up with another Otto Bauer?
Geez, what is wrong with me?!!!!
This Otto Bauer is that nasty guy who does nasty things to his wife Audrey Hollander’s asshole, which is starring along with the rest of her body in this movie as Lucy to Otto’s Ricky.
Scary, right? Couldn’t be more from the characters on the show. Well, I’m sure they were all kinda freaky in their private lives…
I’m brought to a room where Audrey is getting fucked by some guy in an space helmet and moon boots. Probably the last thing I’d ever expect to see in an I Love Lucy porn parody, but more power to ‘em. Audrey looks exactly like Lucy. The guy looks exactly like a oiled up guy in space helmet and moon boots, whatever you choose to say it looks like.
Then some other naked guy in a space helmet and one moon boot (the other foot had blue tape all over it) who was sitting in the corner jerking off comes up and says hi as he’s going outside to take a piss. He leaves the door open. The director yells to me: “Close the fucking door!” I say “I didn’t fucking leave it open!” “Yes you did!” One of the workers says to him, “It wasn’t him, it was the naked guy!” “I don’t fucking care, just close it!”
I closed it on my way out. I’ve seen enough to write a story.
Never a fan of the series, but I’m looking forward to seeing this ’cause Audrey always does something shocking and as a journalist that is my job.
Topics: Story | No Comments »
TERRORISTS 2, AMERICA 0
By Fayner | September 25, 2008
There was a movie about Hunter S. Thompson called Where The Buffalo Roam starring Bill Murray back in the late 1970s. Although a classic in my eyes, I’m sure not a lot of people have seen it.
Anyway, there is a scene where Craig T. Nelson (from the show Coach) as a cop is testifying against some pot smoking hippies, and he declares something about how he thought one of the kids he arrested had a bomb in his pack of Marlboro cigarettes.
“You were looking for a bomb in a pack of cigarettes?” Murray shouts from the stands.
Well, this is what I was thinking when I read this morning about how at a baseball game in Philadephia between the Phillies and the Braves was postponed for a little bit because of a bomb scare stemming from a suspicious package of hot dogs.
Yeah, that’s what they discovered after evacuating the stadium: hot dogs.
This was after they blew them up.
Imagine how stupid they felt when their “bomb” turned out to be a couple hot dogs wrapped in foil.
Is this what America has become? Running and hiding from hot dogs? I know we should be on our toes following the government’s attack on its own country, but I believe this is going WAY too far!
It is a good thing no Philly Cheesesteaks were harmed during this fiasco. Someone would have had to pay for that mistake!
Read the story here
Topics: Story | No Comments »
SECOND RATE? ME?
By Fayner | September 24, 2008
Listen, I know all about protecting friends. I do it all the time. Not tough guy protecting, of course, but when I hear things about my good friends that could be bad for their career, I somehow forget to write about it on this site. It is just part of the job.
And when there’s money involved, I’m even more protective of my friends. If Kayden Kross was my meal ticket, I would never have written a damn thing bad about her…ever. And if the story does get out, I make it my job to clear their name as best I can.
Just like Mike South is doing. He isn’t wrong in doing it, just in the fact that he’s on the wrong side of this debate. It happens. I’ve been there.
My only problem with Mike South other than the horrible smell he most probably has lingering around him at all times, is the fact that he wrote something mean about me.
And I have feelings, too, you know. Big ones that cry a lot.
This is what Mike wrote about me on his site:
“What nobody seems to comprehend is why a second rate, drug addled trust fund baby has such a grind with Kross? Or maybe it’s Adam and Eve…who knows.”
And my problem isn’t with what Mike said about me but with the way he said it. It’s confusing to me.
Am I a second rate drug addict?
Or a second rate trust fund baby?
Which one?
I’m confused.
South must be refering to me being a seond rate trust fund baby, ’cause anyone who has ever known me or about me knows I was one hell of a good drug addict for a long time. First rate, all the way.
Topics: Story | 2 Comments »
WHAT HAPPENED TO SCOTT LYONS?
By Fayner | September 23, 2008
Barrett was at my house on Sunday shooting Massage Parlor. Scott Lyons was one of the guys hired to get whacked off.
Now, I haven’t seen Scott in quite a few years. The last thing I remember about him was that he weighed around 100 pounds and had a huge fucking cock.
The lovely and talented Charlie Chase was over, too, and we were drinking mimosas. When Scott was about to start his scene, I said to her, “go check out his dick! The guy is a freak of nature!”
She did. She came back and said, “I’m not impressed.”
So I went and looked, not because I like looking at cock but because I am an investigative journalist and it is second nature for me.
And low and behold, Charlie was right!
It seems Scott gained quite a few pounds over the years. I’d say he’s closer to 140 now, and obviously the extra weight on his body has made it so his dick looks smaller.
I never would have guessed that a 9 incher looks bigger on a skinnier guy than a fat guy.
Geez, now I know. So by getting off cocaine and gaining 25 pounds this last year, the fact that I look so much better now means jack shit ’cause now my penis looks even smaller than it did before. I’m not sure that was a complete sentence but because of my sudden sadness I don’t really give two shits…
Topics: Story | 2 Comments »
I’M STUCK ON HUSTLER, ‘CAUSE HUSTLER’S STUCK ON YOUNG CHICKS
By Fayner | September 22, 2008
I was trying to be clever and change the old Band-Aid commercial (”I’m stuck on Band-Aids, ’cause Band Aids stuck on me!) but I don’t think it worked.
Hey, you win some and you lose some. Too bad I’m on one hell of a losing streak.
Still I try. Is that worth nothing?
I’ve noticed one thing after getting Hustler Video DVDs in the mail as screeners: They like black chicks and young chicks. Wait, that’s two things. Actually, if you consider that they also like young black chicks it would be three things.
Man am I stoned right now…
So my Real College Girls #16 DVD came. I truly enjoy the idea of a female student needing money so she unleashes her inner-slut and takes on the whole English department. Or some stuck-up cheerleader passing out at a kegger and being violated by half the football team and their small steroid cocks. Actually, that one is considered rape so I take it back. Basically, I’m trying to say that I like scenarios where a college chick is coaxed into sucking dick. And I know that it ain’t real, that sure these chicks may be in college but what they’re portraying on film isn’t reality. But I like it anyway. So there.
Barely Legal is another series that I like from Hustler Video. I thought this series would die a fast death when Clive passed away, but thankfully his lovely wife Erica is there to take over her late-husband’s work and sometimes I’m unable to tell where his work ended and hers began because she has the game down boy howdy let me tell you! What I’m trying to say is that yes, I watched Barely Legal Little Runaways, and yes, it excited me, and yes, I went and locked my bedroom door, and yes, I pulled my pants down, and yes, I touched myself with the moon glowing through the trees and the neighbor’s cat hunting some rat in the yard, and yes, I remember walking away with a smile on my face.
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
HILLARY SCOTT: PORN ICON
By Fayner | September 22, 2008
The last time I saw Hillary was the day I spent with her for a Hustler article I was writing a few years back.
It seems that since she signed a contract with SexZ Pictures she’s been in hiding.
Apparently they were just waiting for the perfect movie for Hillary to star in.
It seems they found that movie. It’s called ICON, and knowing what the company did with Corruption and Upload I’m guessing this flick will be one hell of a slippery ride into Cumsville.
(Sorry ’bout that last one, kiddies, I’m kinda stoned right now and not thinking very smartily…)
Anyhoo, the film comes out on September 30th of this year, and promises to be a huge hit knowing the people involved in it and their success over the years.
You can check out the movie trailer HERE
ICON stars Hillary Scott, Jennifer Dark, Tori Black, Morgan Layne, Trinity Post, Trina Michaels, Holly Wellin, Heidi Mayne and nine horny dudes and will be in stores September 30th from SexZ Pictures.
Topics: Story | No Comments »
MIKE SOUTH ADMITS TO BEING A PIMP
By FaynerIsBack | September 20, 2008
Mike South (the fat ass moron from Georgia who some have mistaken for Bigfoot) admitted today that he RECEIVES (current tense) money from Adam & Eve as part of Kayden Kross’s deal with Adam & Eve.
So what have we learned? South is a schill for both Adam & Eve and Kross, therefore he lubes up his own asshole, puckers up and pushes out anything they want him to say. Anything he says in the Kross matter is completely with bias, hence he has zero credibility (not that he ever had any to begin with).
South also mentions that Gene Ross is a schill for dealing with the likes of John Bone and Rob Black, funny thing is I think that Ross has reported more negative articles about both than positive. Ross takes advertising revenues because he’s in business to make money, but he also REPORTS THE FACTS.
South is quoted as saying
I perform a service for which I am compensated, that’s called doing business. I am HIGHLY selective about whom I will help. If you seek my services you must fit the criteria I have established, and they are extraordinarily tough.
Well Mikey, you tub of Georgia lard, looks like your “tough criteria” needs to be re-evaluated!!
Topics: Story | 2 Comments »
ADAM & EVE MISFIRES
By FaynerIsBack | September 19, 2008
Adam & Eve has issued a statement (allegedly) regarding contract star Kayden Kross’s legal issues….
from adultfyi.com - This issue is being fueled by an ex-boyfriend who has been charged on multiple occasions and is a convicted domestic abuser. Ms. Kross’ case will be vigorously defended and she is looking forward to her day in court to expose the truth and clear her name of any wrongdoing.
Someone at Adam & Eve is in the dark, or perhaps it was Mike South issuing this statement.
This case has zero to do with the ex-boyfriend. This case stems from a complaint filed by a disabled veteran who was swindled. Read the interview below with the VICTIM of this alleged crime, and see if the ex-boyfriends name comes up once. The only participation the ex-bf has with this case is that he was contacted by Federal Investigators and subjected to 4 hours of questioning related to Kayden because of their time together.
So for A&E or anyone else to claim this “all stems” from an angry ex-boyfriend, sounds like a pretty lame excuse. I think the FBI is a little bit more sophisticated than to build an entire case upon a jilted boyfriends tales. If the Department of Justice indicts, and the FBI arrests…. there’s a pretty strong case!!!! Someone go and tell Mike South and Adam & Eve what the Federal Conviction rate is, last check it was about 97%!!! They don’t go after you until their case is UNBEATABLE!
Topics: Story | 3 Comments »
TAYLOR RAIN SAYS: BRING ON THE NEEDLES!
By Fayner | September 19, 2008
A few years ago while TR was still a performer in the sex business, a guy she had recently worked with called and told her that he had tested positive for gonorrea, and that she should probably go down and take care of it before it got bad.
Taylor, I found out that day, hates needles. Especially really long ones. Almost to the point of tears, but always to the point of having a tantrum.
So I went down to “Dr.” Riggs’ office with TR as support. She was told she was going to need a shot in the butt from a huge needle. With her jeans around her ankles, Taylor was being chased by one of the nurses and the enormous needle. It took 20 minutes and some tears before they finally stuck the needle into her skin.
It has been even worse with the dentist. I’ve almost had to carry her into the office ’cause she was so xanax’d out.
But that was then, and this is now.
Taylor just got some work done on a tooth, and I asked her how painful it was.
“Fuck that, dawg! After squeezing out a baby, there is no pain on Earth that scares me! Needles are a piece of cake! Speaking of, I think I’d like a piece of cake right now…”
Topics: Story | 2 Comments »
UFOs: REAL OR REALLY RETARDED?
By Fayner | September 19, 2008
I got an email from my old buddy Mystery Cock AKA J. Nocera who along with his family owns many Boston area restaurants including the wonderful Chateau in Waltham.
Apparently, J. is interested in UFOs. I for one think they’re completely bogus, that there is no way in hell they exist. And if they do, why would they change with the times, like how the 1950 UFOs are all box-like and simple but the ones we “see” now are all sleak and updated? Aren’t these cultures supposed to be millions of years ahead of us? How could 60 Earth years mean any advancement on their part?
I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong. But I’d like to meet a UFO witness who isn’t inbred. That would be quite rare.
So this is what Mystery Cock sends along:
Hello there
I have been doing allot of research on ufo`s in the last few years.
Let me assure you my friend, they are as real as our former drug problems and the rabbit hole goes
so fuckin deep you honestly have no idea.
In an effort to help get the truth out I would ask you please post this famous William Cooper speech
It cost him his life and i am sure you and your readers will enjoy.
See it here
Much thanks and love
Huckelberry Hamsauce AKA Mystery Cock AKA J.
Anything for you, Jason! Hey, remember when you fucked that whore in New Jersey and you left the used rubber on her doorknob knowing her mother was coming over? That ruled.
Topics: Story | 4 Comments »
VICTIM IN ALLEGED KAYDEN KROSS SCAM SPEAKS OUT
By Fayner | September 19, 2008
I spoke yesterday afternoon to T.J., the man who allegedly lost his house to Kayden Kross’ real estate scam.
Can you run through what happened?
About three years ago, I was hurt on the job. I was put on disablity, and was waiting for my workers comp check. Unfortunately, this put me in kind of a financial pickle.
I was informed of a deal I could make in which I could keep my house, but kind of a different program, where I sold the house, and then it was leased back to me for a designated term, and then I would buy the house back.
They worked it out so a buyer named Kim (Kayden Kross) was gonna buy the house, lease it back to us, and then at the end of the term would sell it back to me after I got my settlement from workers comp.
Little did I know at the time that Kim’s plan was to get the title and sell it, and to never pay the mortgage, even though we were paying her lease payments which almost covered her mortgage payment.
After a few months, I started getting mail from Washington Mutual for another name as the title owner. This is when I found out that Kim had sold the title to another person, who in turn took out a huge loan against the property.
Did she know about your situation, being disabled with a wife and four children?
Oh, yes! My wife and I spoke to her on the phone and met with her on a few occasions. She knew exactly what was at stake for us.
Do you think she knew from the start what she was going to do, or was it something that came later?
I believe she knew from the start what she was going to do to us, and didn’t really care about hurting us. From what I’ve been told, she had even taken some real estate courses. Either someone told her about this scam or she already knew about it. There is no doubt in my mind that she knew exactly what she was doing when she met us.
So what happened to you?
We were eventually kicked out of the house, about six months from the time we signed the deal to the time her mortgage company foreclosed on the house. They came to us saying, “this house is foreclosed by the owner.” And I said, “I’m still the owner!” But she never made payments, despite me paying her for months. She pocketed it all.
The mortgage broker Scott put my family up in a condo owned by someone he does business with. Eventually we had to move again on a moments notice. And I’m disabled!
You are also a war veteran?
Yes. I was in the Marines.
Well, thank you for that. Listen, Kim seems to think this is all Scott’s (the mortgage broker) fault.
No way. When Scott found out what was going on, he immedietly called the Sheriff’s Department to try and get it taken care of. He has been by my side since the beginning of this fiasco.
Last Question: What would you like to see happen to Kim?
I’d love for her to make some restitutions. I owned that house for fifteen years. I was injured on the job, not by some foolish mistake. I was trying to get back on track when she took everything from me.
I’d also like to see Kim spend a long time in prison. She bilked me, she bilked the state and she bilked the federal government for taxes.
Calls to Kayden, Adam & Eve and my weed dealer were not returned by press time.
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
THIS LOONY CHICK FUCKED A FIVE YEAR OLD BOY
By Fayner | September 19, 2008
Leave it to Florida to house a chick like this.
Kelly Lumadue, 33, was dumb enough to have sex with a five year old boy and videotape it.
A trashman found the videotapes and turned them into police. I’m wondering if they were labeled SEX WITH FIVE YEAR OLD ’cause how else would the trashman know unless he goes through people’s trash looking for good stuff like child porn.
Anyway, for Kelly this was her second trial for the crime of child molestation.
Kelly blamed it all on her husband, who is a photog. She said he made her fuck the little boy.
The little boy took the stand, but says he couldn’t remember anything.
Didn’t matter, though, ’cause Kelly got like in prison.
Hopefully someone’s gonna rape her in prison…
Topics: Story | No Comments »
KEEP TRYING KID… SOMEDAY YOU’LL GET IT RIGHT
By FaynerIsBack | September 18, 2008
I love this guy Ryan Rayzer over at my old stomping ground Lukeford.
The kid tries so hard, but he just keeps falling short.
Today he put up several stories related to the Kayden Kross incident, nothing like getting into the action 24 hours later!
Same for AVN, last night they post the story about Kayden and they seem to think it’s “breaking news” 10 hours after the fact, no wonder their magazine is now only relegated to bathroom reading material and their website is meaningless because it’s typically a day behind the news. There was a time when AVN was considered the gorilla of the industry, now it’s just a chimp..
But I digress.
So the little one, Rayzer, posts………
She is in jail and this is considered a very serious matter.
She’s not in jail, I mean if she were in jail that would have been cool, because it would have meant my interview with her yesterday was of the jailhouse variety. But I can assure you and the 11 readers you have left (me included) that she’s home, safe and sound, seeking advice from Mike South on her next move.
Topics: Story | 5 Comments »
« Previous Entries