REMAINS OF RON JEREMY’S COUSIN BIGFOOT FOUND!!
By Fayner | August 15, 2008
For years the legend of BigFoot has traveled the world, this mysterious half-man, half-ape creature that been roaming state parks around the U.S. for a long long time.
many think Bigfoot is just a hoax, that a creature of that size couldn’t hide forever. Some even captured the beast on video, but skeptics were always quick to call them fake.
Now two guys say they’ve found a dead carcas of Bigfoot. They stuffed him into a refridgerator.
The thing, they say, is 7 feet 7 inches and weighs 500 pounds.
The body is now being tested to see if it is in fact Bigfoot.
Read the story here
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ONLY IN TEXAS
By Fayner | August 15, 2008
I love how this country solves problems. When there’s a drug epidemic, all we do is throw more money at the borders and hope it goes away. We don’t educate on the dangers like we should.
With school shootings being as common as some Senator being caught with his pants down or hands in the cookie jar, one would think someone could come up with a program to either weed the crazy kids out or heal their anger.
But c’mon, not in America! Especially not in Texas!
So what is Texas doing about keeping shootings out of their state?
They’re allowing teachers and staff to carry guns to school.
Smartest thing I’ve heard all day. That will surely deter any kids from going nuts, right? Or will the teachers with guns be the first ones shot and killed?
Laughable. Read the story here
Topics: Story | 2 Comments »
DARKKO’S WET FOOD 2: NOW THAT’S A LOTTA COCK!
By Fayner | August 14, 2008
I figured some of you are still eating lunch so I felt putting this picture of wet food is better than the one on the box cover of the movie unless of course you enjoy looking at pictures of chicks with many penises in their face.
In that case, you got problems, and shouldn’t come back to this site ever again.
Just kidding. I love you all.
Anyway, I saw Darkko last week and he handed me this movie from his trunk called Wet Food 2. Lana Croft is on the cover, and she is holding a bowl under her mouth. Five erect dicks circle her face, she reaches for one with her lips. It is quite possibly the most romantic thing I have ever seen in my life.
Testa tells me the scene with Annette Scwartz is gross even for him, and he loves them German bukkake flicks.
Let’s just say I skipped through this movie with my hand covering my eyes most of the time. Sorry, I just don’t like seeing that many dicks in my porn.
Is that to say I like seeing that many cocks other times? No.
But Darkko is fucking amazing, no matter what he does with a camera. He is the best this business has to offer.
People want movies where chicks suck many, many dicks? Darkko will deliver this better than anyone as is evident in Wet Food 2.
In this time of Olympic Fever, I’m happy to see penises of different nations and colors getting along long enough to slap around a whore and douse her with semen. It shows that there is hope for this planet after all.
I bet that if all the world leaders did one of these scenes together with a dirty whore there would be no more war after that.
You can quote me on that.
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GENTLEMEN, START YOUR BONERS!
By Fayner | August 14, 2008
I hardly get excited about anything anymore unless there’s some cool dog trick involved.
But I must admit that this new Not Bewitched XXX really has me excited; you see, I was a huge fan of the show back in the old days - well, not the old, old days, but the old days - and these days I’m a huge fan of Jenna Haze and Teagan, both starring in the porn remake of the popular show from the 60s and 70s.
Sasha Grey is in it, too, but I don’t know who she is. I hear that she’s kinda hot, and that’s good enough for me!
Anyway, the flick is coming out September 23rd from Adam & Eve Pictures/X-Play, and I’m already hard over this.
Really hard.
You should be, too.
See the cool trailer here. But don’t blow your load on the trailer, wait for the fucking movie to come out! It’ll be so much more worth it!
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
TAYLOR RAIN VS THE FLY
By Fayner | August 14, 2008
I called Taylor just now to see how she’s doing as she is very pregnant and ready to pop any minute now.
“Dawg, I’m goin’ fucking nuts over here!” she yelled into the phone.
“Hey, watch your language around the baby,” I shot back.
“Oh, yeah, sorry.”
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Its this fucking fly! I’ve been chasing it around the room for four days!”
“You can’t kill a fly?”
“Its a little baby fly!”
“What about Bandit? He can’t get it?”
“He’s been trying, too! Neither of us can get it! What do I do??”
“Staci’s Japanese, you should have her come over and kill it! She’d get it on the first try!”
“Oh, yeah! Tell her I need her help right now!!!!”
“I’m on it!”
We will keep you updated as to what transpires next…
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FROM PINK TO GREEN
By Fayner | August 12, 2008
For a few years, this was my view as I took smoke breaks outside the Hustler building. I liked it. I kinda miss it, too.
Hey, Hustler, wanna hire me back?
Oh, okay. I understand.
Anyway, I got an email today saying Hustler has gone green. By that, I mean they’ve become more aware of the problems to the environment and have implimented a new plan which will cut costs for the hundreds of employees of the porn powerhouse.
Nowadays, expect the LFP office to be open earlier and closing later and not being open every other Friday. That’s pretty cool.
Maybe to further help the planet, Hustler can let 20 lucky employees stay over night once a week in Larry’s enormous apartment on the 10th floor of the LFP Headquarters, which would mean less driving and more productivity since they can get more sleep. Plus, someone gets to wear Larry’s pajamas!!!!
I have all the great ideas.
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SHE’S HOT
By Fayner | August 12, 2008
If I was going out tonight, it would be to Testa’s going a-gay party. But I’m blowing that off to stay home and watch Fletch. If I wasn’t doing that, then I’d go see this chick Jaime - oh, sorry, I mean Jayme - Langfold at the Porn Star Karaoke. Actually, no I wouldn’t ’cause I don’t go to Burbank anymore after getting arrested a few years back and the time those trannies tried to rape me behind Warners.
But Hustler Video says Jaime - I mean, Jayme! Geez! What’s wrong with me??? - Langford is super hot smokin’ yummy slice of NYC pie. I believe them. They have a good eye for hot chicks. Even if she does have red hair…
Go oogle over Jayme tonight at that place Sardos. Hey, I wonder if the actual guy Sardo was fat would everyone call him Lardo? Probably.
Lucky guests will get a copy of Hustler Video’s Hot Showers #16!! I already have one, but its stuck together…
Here’s the info
Porn Star Karaoke with special guest Jayme Langford will take place at Sardo’s Bar, located at 259 N. Pass Ave., Burbank, CA. The fun will begin at 9 p.m. and go until 2 a.m. Admission is free and open to the public, so please invite all of your friends! Free parking is available.
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JESUS BUILT MY HOTROD…AND NOW HE WANTS TO CLEAN IT??
By Fayner | August 12, 2008
The other day I was driving around in the Mercedez convertible with my trusty bloodhound riding shotgun. We came up to Shoup and Fallbrook, where three scantily-clad high school chicks were flashing signs offering a FREE CAR WASH. I was headed to Taylor’s house, but thought making a detour would be a good idea. I drove up to the chicks.
“Wanna free car wash?” one of them asked.
“Who doesn’t?” I replied. “But I gotta ask: why is it free???”
“We’re trying to give back to the community,” she stated.
I could think of a couple other ways she could give back to the community…
So I drove to where she told me to go. It was a church parking lot. I put my car in a spot and took the dog out to relax while these people cleaned my ride for free.
I should have seen it coming. But I didn’t.
An older man approached me, began talking to me. I was super stoned.
What do you do? What kind of dog is that? How old is she? Where are you from? Blah blah blah
Is my car ready yet???
Then he asked what I knew he would eventually ask: What church do you go to?
“I’m a Jew,” I answered. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry!” he shot back, “just as long as you love your GOD!”
“Well…” I began, not sure where to go with this. “I don’t really believe in God, per se, but the values the Jewish people have carried with them for so long.”
“Okay,” he said, “it was nice talking to you.”
And he walked off to try and convert the next person wanting a free car wash into joining their church.
But how could Jesus allow his young followers to dress slutty for the purpose of trying to get people to join the church? Isn’t that just plum wrong???
Is Jesus that unpopular these days that he has to resort to schemes to keep his name alive?
I was glad I was a Jew that moment, but then realized that Jews wouldn’t have given away anything for free including a car wash so I kind of wanted to be a Jesus follower until I saw what a shitty job they did on my car.
Fuck Jesus!
Topics: Story | 4 Comments »
LITTLE LOW ON CASH? JUST RAT ON YOUR FRIENDS!!!
By Fayner | August 11, 2008
Listen, everybody is struggling right now.
Everybody but me.
I guess the demand for over-the-hill, ex-drug addicted porn writers is at an all time high, though, ’cause I’m rolling in cash. It could have something to do with all the money I’m not spending on cocaine this past year, but I sleep better thinking I’m just so awesome that companies throw me tons of money for advertising.
Anyway, this mass quanity of loot I’ve been collecting plus the fact that I’m an extremely lazy man has made me come up with an idea: pay people for dirt.
Okay, so its an old idea, I understand that, but for me its new. (I don’t count all the grams of blow I’ve had to scoop into people’s noses to get good dirt as paying for information…)
So if you know about a content provider who dresses like a chick behind closed doors, and you have the pictures to prove it, we’ll pay you for it! Have info on an internet company owner who’s going through a messy divorce and claims only a few bucks a year in taxes as a ‘professional gambler’ to hide his money from the wife? Lots of cash for that one. Got the inside info about an agent’s fight over the weekend? We’ll pay you for that, too! But it all has to be verifiable.
What are you waiting for?
We will pay up to $500 for information, as long as it can be proven and the story is worthy of being told. Otherwise, you get jack shit. And if you’re a total pussy, we’ll even guarantee you’ll remain nameless as is the law under the wonderful First Amendment of the United States of America but we’ll still call you a pussy under our breath.
Send your ideas to [email protected]
Topics: Story | 4 Comments »
WE GOT A CELEBRITY BLOGGER, TOO!
By Fayner | August 11, 2008
Over at my old stomping ground LukeFord.com, the new guy seems to be realizing how truly difficult it is to maintain a writing pace the readers demand. I know all about it; I’ve tried to keep a 5 stories a day schedule since I began doing this porn blogging thing 5 years ago and it hasn’t been the easiest thing to do.
So, instead of grinding his teeth and rolling up his sleeves and writing more, the new guy Ryan is soliciting celebrity bloggers to help fill up space on the page. Smart move, really. No, really, it is.
He’s got the Love Twins working for him now. That sucks, ’cause I wanted them for my site. I mean, who doesn’t want two okay-looking chicks with little or nothing to say writing for him? I know I do.
So I felt belittled that they’d get the mediocre Love Twins and some other chick Destiny Davis writing for them, and I get nothing.
I can hear everyone laughing at me.
So what did I do? I went out in search of my own celebrity blogger. And boy did I find one!
She was covered in filth and begging for crack money!
That’s right, she’s back!
When I saw Tiffany Holiday yesterday I knew I’d found just who I was looking for: a disgusting pig who’s seen nameless faces dousing her with urine in back alleys for $10, who has sucked cock for a McDonalds $1 Menu item of her choice and who can send the nastiest of junkyard dogs running away in fear.
I’ve promised to pay Tiffany $10 for anything she comes up with.
I’m expecting something written in heroin-needle blood…
Topics: Story | 3 Comments »
WELCOME HOME SMOKIE!!!
By Fayner | August 9, 2008
After five long nights out in Coyote hunting grounds off Canoga in the Hills, Smokie has found her way back to her loving parents and super cool Uncle Scott. We are so happy to have her home, and promise to no longer yell at her when she becomes an annoying Crapper again.
Thanks to everyone for their love and support, we were really hoping to not have to deal with another dead dog since Rhiannon’s passing two months ago.
Yippee!!!
Topics: Story | 6 Comments »
HELP **UPDATE**
By Fayner | August 8, 2008
Yes, Smokie is still missing, but this morning we went for a walk with the dogs to put up new flyers and a nice lady said she saw her on Wednesday night. She tried grabbing her, but Smokie was scared and wouldn’t allow her to.
This is good news. Hopefully she’ll get tired of being free and decide she misses her family and finds her way home.
Thanks for all the emails of support
Taylor Rain’s Pit Bull Smokie got out of her house last night and is currently missing in the Canoga Park area. Anyone seeing a small blue and white pit bull walking around should grab it and return it to Taylor ’cause she and Keith and all of us really miss the little crapper Smokie.
If by chance you come across her please call my office at 323 420 3226 and you’ll get a big reward.
Topics: Story | 6 Comments »
WAS CHUCK E CHEESE’S CLOSED?
By Fayner | August 7, 2008
Must be the fucking heat that causes Florida folk to be so damn stupid.
Take this lady for instance, the one I was reading about today who got caught driving around a parking lot with her 3 year old granddaughter on the roof of the car.
Her excuse was that she was holding the child’s leg, that the child was not in danger, and the reason she did it was to give her some air and to let her have some fun.
Listen, I’ve lived in Florida, and one thing that is not fun is being outside in August. The California heat has nothing on it. Nothing.
The lady obviously went to jail, and faces child abuse charges.
Read the whole story here but there ain’t much reason to do so since I just told you what happened. But do it if you want, I won’t cry…
Topics: Story | 2 Comments »
ALAURA EDEN’S DARK PAST
By Fayner | August 7, 2008
I was going through some stuff in the garage and came across a box I thought was mine but turned out it was Staci’s (Alaura Eden) box of stuff from when she was a teenager.
But before I could figure out it wasn’t my stuff I pulled out an old VHS tape and read the label which said “Staci’s Wonder Years audition: Winnie Cooper“.
Come again???
I instantly went and confronted Staci.
“Really?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Staci replied, “that was a long time ago. I forgot all about it. Obviously I didn’t get the part.”
“The world has to be told about this!” I shouted.
“I don’t know,” Staci worried. “People will think I got into porn because I didn’t get the Winnie Cooper Wonder Years gig!”
“C’mon, please??????”
“Okay, fine.”
The VHS tape is being transfered to digital as we speak, and the audition will be posted here soon. It’s quite hilarious, I can tell you that much…
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WHICH SIMPSONS CHARACTER WOULD YOU FUCK?
By Fayner | August 7, 2008
Testa came over this morning for breakfast. Okay, fine, he stayed the night here, but we only dry humped and nothing more…
Anyway, somehow the conversation ended up on The Simpsons. It was prolly cause we were watching the show, but who knows?
Oh, I remember now, Testa was saying how he wants conjoined twins to blow him at the same time. And then we were talking about twins, so of course he had to ask me if I’d fuck the most popular twins in television history: Patty and Selma from The Simpsons.
I said I probably would.
Testa said he wouldn’t, but I don’t believe him.
Edna K? Of course.
How about Lydsay Nagel? I asked.
Who is that? Testa asked.
I laughed. Amateur.
She’s the corporate woman, I said.
Oh yeah! I’d fuck her.
Lovejoy’s wife? Yep.
Maude Flanders? You betcha.
Apu’s wife? Oh yeah, she’s hot, too!
Anyone else from the show you’d fuck?
Topics: Story | 4 Comments »
X-PLAY SAYS: YOU CAN BET ON ‘NOT BEWITCHED XXX’!!!!
By Fayner | August 6, 2008
Jenna Haze, Eva Angelina and Teagan Presley. Do I need to say anything more?
Oh, I do? Are you sure? Well, if its in my contract I guess I have to…
Not Bewitched XXX is bound to be a huge porn hit. X-Play’s J Mull and Scott David wouldn’t have it any other way. They work too hard to fail.
They are so confident about this newest flick that they’re already predicting it to be a favorite to win Best Comedy during the next award season.
Pretty bold stuff, huh?
The movie better be fucking funny. They’ve pretty much guaranteed it in their newest press release.
I for one commend them for their balls.
Check out the trailer here
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
WHERE IN THE WORLD IS…SUNNY LANE?
By Fayner | August 6, 2008
You’ve seen her running with the bulls in Spain. You’ve seen her fly in a B-2 Stealth Bomber over Boston during the Fourth of July celebration. You’ve seen her building houses in African villages.
But where in the world is Sunny Lane going to be this week?
Good question. I have no idea.
Oh, wait, yes I do.
Sunny is heading East to Florida for the InterNext show on the 8th of August with PussyCash and IMLive.com signing autographs and making funny poses with her fans. It should be a fun time.
And if you happen to be asking “Where in the World Was Sunny Lane?” last week, the answer is on XM Satellite Radio’s Sex.com Radio Show, which will air Tomorrow August 7th at 4 pm west coast time on XM 154 whatever that means.
So what about next week? And the week after that? Where in the World will Sunny Lane be next?
I don’t know. Maybe her official web site located here will know. Check it out.
Topics: Story | 2 Comments »
OUCH
By Fayner | August 6, 2008
We were watching the end of the movie 21 last night. At one point the smart guy leans in to kiss the hot rocket scientist chick, and she backs off. It is obviously an awkward moment.
“Oh, that sucks!” I say. “I know how that feels. That’s the kind of thing that takes years to shake off.”
“Yeah, it sucks,” Staci replies.
“It’s happened to you??”
“Yeah. His name was Kirk. It was in the 7th grade.”
“I bet Kirk is now killing himself over that one. He probably has everyone of your films and cuts his wrists every night with how stupid he was back when he was 13.”
“What’s funny is that we did go out for a bit later that year. And one day he leaned over to kiss me at the bus stop in front of everyone and he bit my fucking lip! We didn’t last much longer than that.”
Anyway, while I try and think of my most embarassing moment with a chick to tell all of you, why don’t you tell me yours? It’ll be our little secret.
I promise.
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
REAL COLLEGE GIRLS AND THE POOL GUY
By Fayner | August 6, 2008
The pool pump at our house broke some weeks back. The pool ain’t in good shape. So we found this guy on Craigslist who said he was gonna bring a new pump and get the pool back into working order for the dogs to use in this unbearable Valley heat (Valley Heat? Wasn’t that a killer Quasarman movie for Metro some years back starring the amazing April Flowers? See, my brain ain’t that scrambled!).
The guy said he’d be over in the morning. He showed up at 8 at night. We should have buried him in the backyard right then and there. But we didn’t.
So this guy puts in a new pool pump in the dark. He seems to be nice enough, so I give him some porn to take home once he finishes. He says we should let the glue dry and not to turn it on until the morning. Okay. We pay him and he leaves with the porn.
The next day we turn on the pump and it isn’t working properly. We call him. And call him. And call him. Days go by, and we’re thinking we just got played for $170.
Then he calls. Sorry, I’ve been real busy. I’ll be there tomorrow to fix it.
Two days later, he sends his pool girl to clean the pool. She says he is a flake.
Awesome.
Two days later he comes back to fix the pump. Staci is convinced the guy is on speed. I can’t find an argument against it.
So he fixes it, he says, and I want to believe him.
So I go to my porn closet to find him some more porn. He just fixed the fucking pool, right? He deserves to jerk off in style…
In the closet I find Hustler’s Real College Girls: Lesbian Stories. I really want to see this flick, there’s some hot chicks in it doing sexual things to the vaginas and buttholes of other hot chicks, and that is a good thing. I thought giving him this flick would make us his main priority when it comes to pool and pool related things.
Anyway, I’m in a giving mood and all at the moment so I decide to give it up to him, plus a bunch of other, less good porn.
Now the pool is broken again, and dragonflies are hunting for food in the water. The pool guy has been texting me with lame excuses and keeps saying he’ll be coming by to fix the broke-ass pump.
Pretty much, we’re fucked.
This isn’t the first bad pool guy we’ve come across. I can think of like 5 in a row who’ve sucked big balls.
Anyone got a good pool guy in the Valley? Our dogs really need to swim.
I also need a new copy of Hustler’s Real College Girls: Lesbian Stories
Topics: Story | No Comments »
WHERE’S DOLE?
By Fayner | August 6, 2008
I was watching CNN this morning. John McCain was on, talking about the issue of nuclear power. He says that he should be the one to listen to on this issue, as he has many, many years of experience due to him being stationed on the U.S. Enterprise (the first nuclear powered aircraft carrier) as a soldier like 7 decades ago. Yeah, he’s that old!
Anyway, McCain says something along the lines of, “I know now what I knew then about nuclear power: that it is safe.”
McCain was what in his early 20s when he was on that ship, right? And pretty much at a time when no one knew anything about nuclear power? Right?
Here is this kid being told what to think so obviously he’s gonna be told that it is safe.
This is his argument? Was he a nuclear scientist and we just didn’t know? Wow. I’m impressed.
I bet many people thought black hawks were safe over Somolia, too.
I wouldn’t tell you what to do, ever, but if you vote for McCain you’re a dumbass. He’s even more of an evil puppet than Bush…
And doesn’t Bob Dole look better and better every day as the Republican’s choice for President some years back??
Topics: Story | 5 Comments »
EXCUSES, EXCUSES
By Fayner | August 4, 2008
Some guys just look like rapists. Take this guy to the left for instance…doesn’t he just look like he enjoys forcing a woman to have sex with him?
Enjoyed, I should have said, because this guy named Richard Cooey has been in Ohio’s jail system since 1986 when he raped and then killed two young women [see his rap sheet here.
I can understand if you’re asking “what about him? I don’t get this story!” but let me get to the point, okay?
Cooey’s scheduled to be put to death on October 14 of this year for his dasterdly deeds.
But - and there is always a but - Cooey’s lawyer says that his client is too fat for execution. Weighing 267 lbs. at only 5 foot 7 inches, Cooey is indeed a fat man. But the claims that his veins are bad and that he is on one of the drugs used to put the inmate to sleep before being killed and may have a resistence to it, thus making his execution extremely painful.
And?
I mean, so what? Who cares if this rapist and murderer is in pain when they kill him? He should be. I can’t believe his lawyer is using this excuse. He must sit at night with a gun to his temple every day…
Hopefully, the Judge ruling this case will let them kill this fucker. Too fat to die is a fucking joke.
Just ask Elvis and John Candy and Jabba the Hutt…
Topics: Story | 3 Comments »
A BAD MORNING
By Fayner | August 4, 2008
I don’t need to tell you how sad I’ve been since losing my dog Rhiannon two months ago tomorrow; there has been a huge change for the worst in both my spirit and motivation. I have dreams where she’s alive, and when I wake from it I look around and she isn’t there, just her ashes next to the bed and sometimes on the bed in the spot she slept just to tell Sara Rib-Eye that she’ll always be #2 and to never to try and take her spot.
Yeah, I know I’m an asshole.
But you know what? That came back to haunt me yesterday morning, and it hurt.
You see, some guy was over the house and he brought his dog with him. I was still in bed, and knew there was another dog in the house but had no clue which dog it was.
Now, Rhiannon was part Bassett Hound, which are bred to hunt rabbits (and chase them into holes, since Rabbits are fast) thus having long nails for digging. Rhiannon had that Bassett trait.
On wood floors, a dog with very long nails makes a certain sound when walking or running. A dog like that hasn’t been in my house since Rhi passed. Until yesterday.
So pretty much I sat in bed listening to what I thought was my dead dog Rhiannon back from Hell running down the hallway over and over and over and over again as this other dog with long nails ran around the house with Lou Lou Ballbaggins and Sara Rib-Eye.
It sucked.
Finally, I had to go outside for a smoke ’cause I couldn’t listen to it anymore.
Tough start to the day, that’s for damn sure.
Maybe I’ll start being nicer to Sara Rib-Eye.
And what are the chances of Rhi being in every dream I ever have again after I snort some of her ashes? It’s gonna be a strange journey…
Topics: Story | 3 Comments »
BIANCA DAGGER: WHEN DUTY CALLS
By Fayner | August 4, 2008
Anyone who has ever spent more than five consecutive hours with Bianca Dagger knows that just around every five hours she gets horny. And I’m confident that at that very moment if she was all alone and getting the itch with no massager or vibrator around and there was a hobo walking down her street Bianca may consider inviting him in as long as he washes his hands - well, the one hand that will be fingerbanging her at least!
Basically, Bianca is a pretty horny chick. I’m sure that if I was ever nice to her for five hours straight she’d offer up her ass for me to fuck.
That’s yet to happen, though…
So here is the story I was told by Bianca.
She goes over to a house that she used to live at to see a friend. The friend isn’t there. Bianca goes to lay down in the girl’s bed for a little bit. She gets horny. She grabs her massager and begins rubbing it against her clit on the girl’s bed. For some reason, it just ain’t working. Bianca thinks fast, and grabs a brush belonging to a black chick who also lives in the house, and shoves it into her ass.
She hears a noise, and hides the brush. She then continues. When she’s done, Bianca washes off the analbrush and leaves.
I’m sure many of you are out there going “where do I get one of those chicks?” and sure, the story is pretty great and dirty but I think that when you hear it firsthand it loses some of the awesomeness.
I mean, when she’s telling me this I’m the whole time thinking “I’ve left Bianca alone here in my house many times, I wonder if she’s stuck anything of mine up her ass without me knowing!” and I didn’t much like the feeling at all.
But if I didn’t know the chick doing it and someone told me about this crazy chick who stuck some strange black girl’s brush (or white girls or Latin girls or anyone other girls…) up her ass in a bed that wasn’t even hers I’d think she was the dirtiest chick on the planet.
Topics: Story | No Comments »
ISN’T THIS A BETTER PICTURE THAN AN OILY ARAB SHEIK?
By Fayner | July 31, 2008
The ass you see to the left is of Mia Miata. The reasons I chose to use a picture of Mia Miata are as follows:
it is a nice ass
Do I need another reason?
Okay, so this super rich Arab guy pretty much ruined everything Mia Miata is trying to do (by switching to a Hybrid car) times about fifty thousand!
This guy, not named in the article, flew his $200,000 Lamborghini from Qatar to London for a fucking oil change!
That’s 6,500 miles and around $20,000 for an oil change.
I tried calling Mia Miata for a comment on this, but her answering machine says she’s in Oregon cleaning rocks on the beach after a small oil spill off the coast earlier this week.
Although upset someone would have the balls to do this, I fully expect it these days.
How about we just forget all about this and stare at Mia Miata’s ass some more?
I have all the good ideas………………………………..
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
THE TWO DOUCHEBAGS
By Fayner | July 31, 2008
I was watching The Two Coreys last night. It is a barrel of smiles and cries I tell you, it’s all about smiles and cries with these two.
I’ve met Feldman a few times. Never on purpose. Once at Cytherea and Brian’s drug den I saw him wearing white jeans in the winter. He was standing on a coffee table making a fool of himself and just as I was about to tap him on the shoulder and inform him that he’s a douche he falls off the table. I figured that was enough embarassment for one night.
But let me tell you this: Feldman was smart doing this show for the simple reason that it makes him look like the cool Corey, and no matter what he chooses to do or say he’ll never look like the loser because Haim has that market cornered.
It’s obvious Haim’s on speed. They even captured it on the show, him chopping it up and snorting it on set for Lost Boys 2. His face jumps across the t.v. screen every two seconds. It’s quite annoying, especially after knowing so many people who’ve been like this and pretty much disowning them because they act exactly like Corey Haim.
And the fact that he went to talk to young kids who want to be actors about the joys of being a child actor despite himself being raped on-set when he was a young actor (or something like that, I choose to take Staci’s word on this one) is pure comic genius…
Seriously. I’d schlep all the way to Hollywood to see Haim’s stand up act if he ever had one.
And does it get me mad that I barely have enough money to put gas in my car while Corey Haim drives around in a fucking Hummer?
Damn right.
And does it get me mad that I’m brilliant and without a girl while Corey Feldman sucks balls but still has a chick?
Damn right. He even wrote and performed - what may one day surpass We Built This City (On Rock And Roll) by Starship as the worst song even made - a love song for his wife which would have embarassed a monkey and we all know Monkey’s enjoy beating off and playing with feces and are never really embarassed about anything but would have if they were there listening to the song Feldman wrote for his wife and I bet there’s a clip of it on YouTube you should try and find it and send me the link so I can watch it and laugh and cry and puke…
Topics: Story | 5 Comments »
MIA MIATA GOES GREEN!
By Fayner | July 30, 2008
The former Ms. Mia Rose ditched her last name last year when she bought herself a Mazda Miata.
Now she goes by Mia Miata.
We spoke this morning.
“You’ll never guess what?” Mia shouted.
“What?”
“I’m getting the first Miata Hybrid! Mazda contacted me and said they love how I promote the Miata so they’re sending me the first one to come to America! Can you fucking believe it?”
“Good for you!”
“Yeah, I’m fucking excited! They want me as the new Miata spokeswoman, too!”
“There’s no one better for the job…” I replied.
In the next few weeks keep an eye out for Mia and her new red Miata hybrid car. Not only ’cause the car is good for the environment, but because she is a terrifying driver.
Topics: Story | No Comments »
DUDE, I’M SOOO SORRY
By Fayner | July 30, 2008
Slavery in America was legal from 1654 until 1865. Two hundred plus years. That sucks.
And it wasn’t until recent history that Blacks were given any rights here at all.
But now they do.
Until now, the government just assumed that no apology was needed to the Blacks for the treatment they endured for them 200 years.
Today, though, US lawmakers have decided to officially apologize for slavery.
But why? you may ask.
Do they feel badly about what went down?
Naw.
It’s actually quite simple: A white congressman named Steve Cohen from Memphis is in a heated primary race against a black man in a highly populated African America district, so he introduced this resolution as a way to get more Black votes.
Pretty smart, huh?
Does the apology count now?
I for one think this is bullshit…
Read it story HERE
Topics: Story | No Comments »
A BIG PROBLEM WITH THE PORN BUSINESS #83
By Fayner | July 29, 2008
Okay, here is what’s bugging the fuck out of me today: the fact that male performers think we as horny men with our penises at full mast as we stroke away to images on the computer screen in the middle of the night with Scraps the loyal golden retriever…
sorry, there was just an earthquake and I had to slowly move into a doorway while making sure everyone in the house was safe as I’m the designated earthquake supervisor here at the house
…loyal golden retriever by our feet all curled up and cute actually want to hear, just as we’re about to explode into our wives expensive hand towel that we keep behind the television in a little box we marked OLD SPORTS TROPHEES (yeah, we’re not very good spellers, are we?), the guy in the scene making any noise.
Recap: Just when we’re about to blow, the guy in the scene makes his presence known. Do we appreciate it as men who need fantasty in order to get off when this happens? It’s like if you’re getting laid and right before you cum some other guy comes in and shoots a load all over the chick.
What happens then?
You go soft.
Fast.
Before you know what’s going on, you’re sitting there pulling a soft penis. And it is a shame.
Porn guys should never speak unless it is their job to say something. And an occasional remark degrading the chick never hurt no one either except the girl and who cares about her right? but the grunts and awkward sounds of pleasure deserve to be outlawed for all the healthy boners they shrunk.
Piss off!
Topics: Story | 3 Comments »
GET READY FOR CLUBCASSIDEY.COM!!!!
By Fayner | July 24, 2008
Everyone’s favorite brunette Cassidey is about to launch her very own exclusive Web Site ClubCassidey.com!
I for one am extremely excited about this as I have always been a fan of Cassidey’s work, and after doing a long interview with her last week (that will come out just as the site is about to launch very soon) I’ve found myself just walking in circles and/or staring at walls blankly in anticipation for Cassidey’s new site. I just hope she does a lot of POV stuff ’cause she’s got the prettiest eyes this side of Heaven!
Cassidey will only be shooting new content for her site, which means if you’re a fan of hers the only place to see her being the dirty little whore that she is will be her exclusive site.
In the upcoming interview, Cassidey talks freely about Spearmint Rhino, Ninn, her life in Texas, her new man and her overall distaste for Mary Carey (well, duh!)!
Get your penises ready, boys and girls (with penises!) ’cause this site is gonna rock your cock off!!
For interviews with Cassidey, please contact Scott Fayner (that’s me!) at [email protected]
Topics: Press Release, Story | 2 Comments »
PARTY OF THE SUMMER HUH??? RIGHT
By FaynerIsBack | July 24, 2008
John Gray continues to showcase his intelligence by havaing his company issue the following press release.
NORCO, Calif. - NinnWorx_SR will celebrate the release of Michael Ninn’s The Four with an invite-only mega-bash on Saturday, Aug. 16 at a private Beverly Hills location.
“This will be the party of the summer,” said Kathy Vercher, president and COO of Spearmint Rhino Consulting Worldwide. “People have been waiting a long time for this movie and we’ll kick things off by having a great party followed by the release of year – The Four.”
Gray and his crew continue to show their ineptitude by issuing this release. Why?
1) The director of the movie and namesake of the company (Michael Ninn) will not be attending
2) The stars of the movie will not be attending
So what kind of party is this, with no director and no stars? Oh I forgot, it’s the party of the summer. Brilliant!!
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
DOUBLE TAKE
By Fayner | July 24, 2008
So I came back in from the mailbox today, got another package from Hustler Video. Staci was in her room doing Stephanie Swift’s make-up for a Whorelore project shooting this afternoon when I walked in with the pornos.
“Let me see what you got!” Staci said, grabbing the movies from my greedy little fingers. “What’s this?”
We looked at the cover of one, both in shock.
“Daddy Fucking! Is that right? Is it really the title? Daddy Fucking?”
“Yeah, what the fuck!”
In bold letters to the side it says “Please Stop”
“Daddy Fucking! Please Stop! Is this for real???”
“I don’t know,” Staci replied.
Then we looked closer to see that the movie is actually called Daddy! Please Stop Fucking My Friends!
Now it all makes sense.
Topics: Story | No Comments »
HEIDI FLEISS: BIRD PIMP
By Fayner | July 24, 2008
I just watched Heidi Fleiss: The Would-Be Madam of Crystal on HBO not ’cause I like her or anything but just because its hot outside and there’s nothing fun to do anymore now that Rhiannon is dead.
Anyway, Heidi is one messed up chick. Sure, her proposed Stud Farm in Nevada is a pretty cool idea, being that chicks can go there and get laid from oiled up buff men, but if you watch the documentary you’ll see that jail, losing her money and most or all of her celebrity friends, not to mention a huge drug problem has led Heidi to become one crazy bird lady.
Yeah, that’s right, Heidi has a bunch of big, expensive, loud birds living at her shitty house in Nevada. She even had an addition to her house built for the birds.
Heidi loves birds. No one would have guessed that in a million years or more. She even says that there is more money in birds than in women, and that if she knew this information years ago she would have gone into the bird business instead of the sex business.
A great part in the documentary was when Heidi was telling the story of how when she was a teenager she ran a babysitting business where she would match the family with the correct girl sorta like what she later on became famous for: pimping.
I’d watch the documentary if I were you. Watch Heidi cry over dead birds, make a whole hick town hate her and drive around in a shitty pickup truck.
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
THE DAKODA BROOKES ARTICLE
By Fayner | July 23, 2008
I wrote this article for Hustler some months back, which appeared in the July issue which came out like seven months ago. Here for my fans who can’t afford Hustler is the article I submitted without any edits. Enjoy!!!!
An 18-year-old hot chick stands in my driveway smoking weed from a pink glass pipe. Five massive suitcases squat behind her like the menacing Pittsburg Steelers defensive line. The three joyous dogs who now greet this dirty blonde tart make it impossible for her to move, which is fine with me ‘cause her near-perfect backside at this angle in the morning sunlight does things to my Johnson we won’t get into right now. I’m thinking - as I begin explaining to her how a man of my distinction cannot be seen dragging a porn chick’s luggage - that it may not be the worst thing that’s ever happened to me having this naïve, nut-sucking newbie crash at my house for a few weeks. She is, you see, new in town. It would be rude of me to not teach her the ropes before she knows any better, would it not?
On the surface, Dakoda Brookes seems like the archetypical new kid on the porn block: The gleam in her eyes which shows the fear she insists isn’t there. The fading scars from a stripper-pole accident she hopes to one day forget. The crackling of her voice as she drills other porno actresses about the rumored sizes - all massive! - of certain male talent’s genitalia. But once below the surface I discover that, sure, Dakoda loves to talk a lot about herself (and talk and talk), and has a nasty Myspace addiction I doubt she’ll ever kick, but the girl also has a pretty good head on her shoulders despite some of the hardships she’s been plagued with over the years.
It doesn’t hurt to have sleaze veterans like Taylor Rain and Alaura Eden giving pointers on the sex biz, either. Thankfully, Dakoda realizes her good fortune early on (“Wow, this is exciting! I’ve only just gotten into watching porn this last couple of months and you two I obviously know! Cool!) and is indebted for their support. It’s a good thing, too, ‘cause who knows what would become of Dakoda if the two established (ex) stars wanted to make her life in the business a living hell. As long as she’s staying with me, I think I’d rather not find out.
Dakoda’s first porn test of strength comes mere hours into her arriving at my house. Like most new chicks in the industry, Dakoda rolled up to Hollywood from some rural place (Alabama, and then Zephyrhills, Florida) with little more than her wardrobe and a few bucks ($158 to be exact); hence, no computer. But Dakoda is cuckoo for Myspace, and keeps pestering me for some serious time on my desktop until I feel about ready to choke her dead. Thankfully, Alaura Eden is here with an idea that satisfies both of us.
“Listen,” Alaura instructs her, “what you need to do is take Fayner into his room and suck his dick for computer privileges.”
“No fucking way!” Dakoda hollers. “I can’t do that!”
“You think I’ve never blown a guy for computer privileges? C’mon, we all have!” Alaura looks to Taylor, who nods in agreement. “You better get used to doing things like this…with guys a lot worse than Fayner!”
Five minutes later Dakoda has my conniving cock down her throat. Another seven and she’s on Myspace with “full access” to my computer. We both agree it was a fair trade. I dizzily hobble out of my room and leave Dakoda to her obsessions. She goes at it strong, sometimes only making an appearance to show off some slutty t-shirt she’s wearing (Shut Up and Eat it!), tell us about a guy she thinks is cute or show us her hometown newspaper which has an article about her father in it.
Dakoda’s father, we find out, is in the Military currently stationed in Iraq, despite recently being severely injured when an RPG shot up his vehicle with him inside, leaving him “really fucked up.” He received the bronze medal.
“My mother took off when I was two years old,” Dakoda reminisces. “Just left me without a word to anyone. My grandmother raised me my whole life. And now this lady claiming to my mother just emailed me saying she wants to meet me! And get this: She lives right near Zephyrhills where I lived! What do I do?”
With the unwanted drama alarm set to howl, we’re pleased when Dakoda’s driver arrives to take her to her first real video shoot. And on her 19th birthday, no less. Alaura asks if she remembers the pointers she and Taylor had given her earlier on giving blow jobs on video (“Spit a lot, give eye contact, don’t flinch when the load hits your face,” Alaura remembers), an event I was restricted from attending. Dakoda nods, flashes a quick smile before grabbing her stuff and heading out to an uncertain future.
We’re sitting on the couch with an entire season of Entourage on, which Dakoda swears she’s watching despite her full attention to now texting cute boys on her phone. I’ve been drinking, so obviously the sight of a barely legal babe lying half-naked mere inches away makes me a little grabby. Dakoda doesn’t mind; in fact, she relishes the attention. “Jump on reverse cowgirl!” I command, once she’s already mounted me. Dakoda shoots me a blank stare.
“What’s reverse cowgirl?” she asks. I tell her. “Oh, okay. I mean, I just don’t know the terms y’all use for positions. But I’ve done it before!” Then, one by one I show her all the positions she’ll be expected to master and what they’re called in porn lingo - pile driver, doggy, cowgirl, etc. I’m just about to tear off her clothes and force her my dick when her phone rings and she hops off me to answer it.
“Y’all probably don’t know this,” she continues once off the phone, “but I’ve only been having sex for about a year. Since January, actually. I’m mad, ‘cause all during high school I was raising a friend’s three children and had no time for normal teenage things like sport fucking. But I sure as shit made up for it once I started! Three, four times a day for months at a time!”
Today I’m taking Dakoda to shoot for the Beaver Hunt website. It’s her first official boy/girl scene, and she’s a tad uneasy. “Listen, this is all so new to me still. It seems like just yesterday that I was finding out my boyfriend back in Zephyrhills was cheating on me. I wanted to get revenge on him, so I called this guy I met at the strip club I was working at who shoots internet porn and did a blow job scene for him. And now I’m here! Dang!”
Dang is right. The introduction for this scene she’s doing for director Bonnie Clyde entails that the nymph newbie pretend to be picked up while waiting for a bus. I can tell he makes her uncomfortable the way he gets overly-enthusiastic about the project and the fact that he leaves her there on Reseda Blvd so he can tape his little drive-up thing in his shitty car. But Dakoda is a trooper, and handles the creepy situation like a pro.
When Dakoda gets dropped off at my house some hours later, she’s clearly upset; not because she was abused or violated but because the male talent’s dick was far too big for her pussy. “Are they all that big?” she asks me while inhaling a huge hit of weed. I instruct her to ask Taylor instead. “Who did you work with? Jerry? Oh, he’s not that big!” Dakoda, for once, shows signs of fear that her newfound dream may not have a silver-bullet dildo lining. Thankfully, 19-year-old hotties bounce back quickly from the depths of despair (It’s a good thing, too, ‘cause tomorrow Dakoda shoots a scene for the widely popular fantasy porn series, Whorelore).
Dakoda stands in the hot sun outside Palmdale, California, while Alaura Eden applies elf ears to her face. It’s not the typical porn shoot, especially for a rookie; what with all the dialogue and mountains of footage needed to pull off the sick special effects of Whorelore. But Dakoda makes the very best of every situation, especially when she’s horny.
“Is it time for the sex yet? I see Bianca [Dagger] over there lookin’ all yummy and shit, y’all think I can get me a piece of that sometime soon?” Dez, the creator of Whorelore, sees this young tart aching to get fucked and immediately decides to skip straight to the sex in order to capture the boiling passion the two are currently dribbling from their cunts.
Later in the night, Dakoda’s still a bouncing ball of hormones. She jumps into Bianca’s lap and whispers something into her ear. “You’ve never what?” Bianca screams. “Had an orgasm? Are you serious?” Without saying another word, Bianca pulls Dakoda into a room and slams the door. I hear that a lot of finger banging went down, and Dakoda finally had an orgasm. Later even, the two sneak into my room dripping in sweat and Dakoda insists (“Pussy is all fine and shit, but nothing compares to a dick!”) I allow her to board my cock. I do, but don’t last very long.
The next week consists of various silly events: Dakoda almost being coaxed into doing an on-camera private for $250 by some sleazy producer, her believing that when some company told her to meet at the Burlington Coat Factory they meant inside, and her going back to Zephyrhills to meet her mother (“She said she knew what I do for work and is fine with it. Geez, thanks Mom!”). One by one, we helped guide the fresh fucker through her problems. We told her who to avoid and who to blow, what to wear and what not to snort. And although our time having her as a guest in our home was coming to an end, we refused to let her leave the nest without first giving her the final test: Hustler.
I’ve brought quite a few girls into Hustler for work. Some of them work, and some get brushed off, but I feel it to be ultimate tryout for a new girl to see what she’s worth. As expected, the folks at Hustler jumped at the chance to secure Dakoda for work. Two days later and we’re up in the hills outside Malibu at acclaimed photographer Stephen Hicks’s house for a shoot with Mark Lit. “I was expecting to be working for bunch of old horny losers,” Dakoda tells me in confidence, “you know, like most of the people I’ve met this month. But these guys are so young and fun!” The slack atmosphere comes out in Dakoda’s spirit, which in turn comes out in the photos. She’s hitting the poses, keeping the hair from her face, showing just enough pink and pretty much acting the part of an established blue-screen whore. To count the number of times Lit smiled would both take a while and probably make me gay.
It is hopeful that once Dakoda settles into the role of a working smut slut she’ll make huge waves in the adult industry. She’s got the face, the tight bod and that insatiable drive for sex that’s needed to soar above the lowly B-list crowd; but does she possess the emotional and physical strength to overcome the pitfalls of being a porn princess? Only time will tell.
Topics: Story | 4 Comments »
CANT WAIT FOR JULY 25TH TO COME
By FaynerIsBack | July 22, 2008
Oh please, just hurry up and get here!!!!!!!!!
July 25th will be such a great day!!!!!!!!!
You see, July 25th is Delilah Strongs Birthday party, which means she will STOP posting bulletins on myspace every 20 minutes, every day of the week promoting it.
I love Delilah, but her or her ‘webguy’ post the SAME bulletin nonstop, all day, 20 to 30 times a day.
WE GET THE FUCKING POINT, YOU’RE HAVING A PARTY ON THE 25TH… OK GREAT!!!!!!!!!
So after the 25th, no more annoying bulletins!
Topics: Story | No Comments »
BOOT CAMP FOR WHORES
By Fayner | July 22, 2008
I was reading today a press release from Hustler about a new movie they got called Barely Legal Boot Camp Class Of ‘08 directed by Rod Fontana.
Rod Fontana?
Boot Camp?
Where have I heard those two things together in the same sentence before?
Oh, I know: 2001’s Extreme Porn Boot Camp done by, obviousy, Extreme Associates. Rod was designated on that movie as Drill Instructor, which he also does in B.L.B.C.C.O.’08.
It is obvious to see that Rod has brought back an old title to Hustler Video.
But how do these two movies compare, the ‘01 Bootcamp vs. the Boot Camp ‘08?
Pretty much I remember the Extreme one sucking pretty badly except for the fine talents of Barrett Moore who was later known as Veronica Caine, and Flick Shagwell. But Extreme’s stuff was always too dick-heavy if you ask me and therefore I didn’t quite enjoy watching one chick suck off six.
Ew, gross!
I just popped in the Barely Legal Boot Camp and already I’m seeing a huge improvement over the Extreme cut. Less guys and more chicks. Do I need to say more?
Okay, I will.
The chicks in the new Boot Camp are miles ahead of the skanks from Extreme’s version. Chances are the Hustler chicks will get paid for this movie before the chicks will from Extreme’s movie that was made 7 years ago.
Less meat is good.
Hot chicks are better.
Barely Legal’s Boot Camp beats Extreme’s Boot Camp.
You heard it here first.
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
THIS GUY’S GOT NOTHING ON CHASEY LAIN!
By Fayner | July 22, 2008
I guess I as well as anyone else should be somewhat scared writing shit about Chasey Lain due to her alleged ties to the Russian mob in San Francisco. But after I met them at a Wanted List after party a few years back and they wouldn’t drink vodka with me, I decided not to worry too much about it and just go about my day as if nothing matters at all especially Chasey Lain.
Anyway, considering that amazing video courtesy of Donny Long featuring Chasey really really really fucked up on speed or whatever else she was on I decided I needed to write something else about the former beauty and current industry fuck-up to end all fuck-ups: Chasey Lain.
Well, not really. This story isn’t even about her. It is about some guy in Rhode Island who smashed into an interstate sign and was given a breathalizer only to pull a .491 which is about 6 times the legal limit.
The funny thing is that this guy’s .491 is the highest in Rhode Island for someone who wasn’t already dead.
And to bring porn into this story, I believe Chasey could blow an even worse number if she ever gets pulled over in her Rolls Royce.
That is all.
Topics: Story | 2 Comments »
DOGS: IS THERE ANYTHING THEY CAN’T DO???
By Fayner | July 21, 2008
I was just reading how in World War Two, dogs were used by U.S. Scientists for England to test the body’s reaction to altitude and decompression sickness when jumping from a plane or flying at 25,000 feet, and pretty much were the reason the airmen and paratroopers were so successful.
There is even a great story of a 145 pound St. Bernard named Major being tossed from 26,000 feet in order to test the parachute straps at high altitude, who apparently did the doggy paddle all the way down to the safety of the ground.
And there are the Newfoundlands and Retrievers who jump from rescue helicopters into the water to save drowning swimmers, too.
Some amazing stuff has come from man’s close relationship to the dog, but nothing like what I just read…
Dogs are trained to jump from 25,000 feet wearing oxygen masks while attached to their soldiers. Once on the ground (in enemy territory), the dogs will head off with cameras attached to their heads to seek out hideouts and bad guys. The video goes straight to the soldiers, who then plan whatever attack is neccesary.
Dangerous fucking work. Heroic fucking dogs.
Pretty much, this is what England’s elite SAS assault teams are training as we speak to accomplish. America’s Delta Force already does it.
It will save countless lives in future wars if the planet makes it that far.
This story is amazing, so read it HERE.
I’m sure the Republicans will have a problem with it though. They love killing people more than dogs…
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
I HOPE SHE DOES “WE ARE THE WORLD”
By Fayner | July 21, 2008
I’ve only been to Porn Star Karaoke three times. The first time there was some security guy in the bathroom making sure no one did cocaine in there (or was I just paranoid??). Then second time I brought a coke bullet and did bumps at the bar. The third time Barrett smoothed things out between me and Kurt Lockwood about the whole “how dare I question his sexuality!” thing.
That was the last time. It was long ago.
That all might change tomorrow night as I just got a press thing from Hustler saying this chick Emma Cummings is gonna be there representing the company. She was in their Barely Legal Baby Fat movie and stole my heart-on at that very moment!
Does she do it for you? ‘Cause she sure does for me! I think I want to knock her up and then leave her.
If Emma Cummings feels the same way about me as I do about her I want her to sing me a song tomorrow night to declare our undying love for eternity and beyond!
And since I just watched the We Are The World video (I advise you to rewatch it NOW!!!!!!), I want her to sing it for me. Cindi Lauper is amazing, The Boss even better and Ray Charles is Ray Charles. And the song is fucking great, too. Oh yeah, Steve Perry from Journey is killer in the song. Yeah, he’s the best one!
Oky, so if Emma can sing Steve Perry’s part in We Are The World karaoke I’ll agree to knock her up and then leave her.
O-tay?
O-tay!
Topics: Story | No Comments »
THE BUSY LIFE OF SUNNY LANE, THE GIRL WITH THE FUNNY POSES
By Fayner | July 21, 2008
Like I’ve said before, you just gotta love the spirit of Sunny Lane and the fact that she doesn’t mind looking silly for the camera at every opportunity. It did wonders for people like Jack Black, Jim Carrey and Tommy Lee.
Sunny Lane has ambition to match her corniness, maybe even more. It seems that when there ain’t a cock in her mouth and pussy and now ass she’s off dancing or signing or at some event shaking her ass and whatever the move in the picture is called I ain’t too sure.
So what is up with Sunny Lane right now?
This weekend Sunny is headed to Vegas for parties celebrating Roller Dollz being sponsored by Adam & Eve and Zero Tolerance at The Palms Friday and Saturday nights.
Sunny also has two big movies coming out that include her being penetrated: Besides Roller Dollz she also has a part in Not Bewitched XXX which stars Jenna Haze and Teagan both coming out in September.
I’m sure she’s doing lots of other stuff to occupy her time. I mean, she can’t spend all her time doing poses in the mirror??
Sunny Lane is a cool chick.
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
AVY LEE ROTH: AS GOOD AS HER “DADDY” DAVE?
By Fayner | July 21, 2008
We all know David Lee Roth is not the father of Avy Lee Roth despite what she (and possibly Diamond Dave, too, depends on how much attention he needs) tells you about it. I proved it years ago when she told me DLR and her mother fucked while Van Halen played Spain on their 1979 tour to promote Van Halen 2. Van Halen never played Spain during that tour and at the time she says Dave and her mother fucked Van Halen was playing in either Boulder, Colorado or Kalamazoo, Michigan.
But it was a cool scam, sure. Avy deserves whatever attention she’s gotten from her lie. I’m sorry I had to go and spoil the whole thing for her, but I must always protect Van Halen from the evil powers that be and this will probably be the thing that ends up killing me.
Sweet.
Okay, so to the reason we’re talking about Avy: It seems she has written some lyrics that equal even DLR’s from the band’s heyday.
Are you ready for it?
Here it goes.
Can we get a little drum beat?
That’s good.
“on Ebay!!
limited edition!!!
search Avy Lee Roth skateaboard !!
xoxoxoxo”
This was found in a Myspace bulletin under the subject “get your Avy Lee Rot deck now!!” and I’m now thinking that even though I’ve already proved they are not related the fact that she can’t even spell her own name kinda makes me think even further that there ain’t no way Avy is related to the once-great wordsmith Diamond David Lee Roth.
Compare Avy’s lyrics above to the following VH and make up your own mind about the whole thing despite my proof.
“Found that girl with
a lonesome john
When she should
have been with me
Guess that woman fall in love
She don’t work for free”
(ed note: and yes, I see that the web site I stole the picture of Avy from is HornySpanishFlies and Spanish Fly is the name off of Van Halen 2 and that was the tour they were on when she was supposedly conceived, but it is purely a coincidence, okay?)
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
WHO WOULD WANT THIS???
By Fayner | July 21, 2008
Sorry, but Hollywood douchebags with zero talent have been bugging me for years. Like most people, I learned to accept the fact that these kids with rich and famous parents are famous too despite not being good at anything at all. But then when Ozzy Osbourne’s kids Jack and Kelly became stars in their own right I got truly mad. I mean, here are two fat kids with tons of money and zero talent and they’re famous? For what? Being fat and talentless and related to Ozzy? That shouldn’t matter. If you ever heard Kelly’s CD you’d know what I’m talking about. And when your mother is one of the most powerful people in the music business and you get dropped from your record deal you know that you truly do suck balls, as happened to dear, plump Kelly Osbourne.
People like Charlie Sheen worked his ass off for years to become a star even though his father was a Hollywood icon. Jacob Dylan never even made it as a star despite his father Bob Dylan being one of the greatest poets and musicians of all time.
I bet there are some kids out there with famous parents and tons and tons of talent who don’t wish to ride the coat tails of their kin in order to be loved and adored. What becomes of them? Nothing, and it is a shame.
One of the laziest and most undeserving celebrity kid on the loose is one Brody Jenner. His dad is Bruce Jenner the famous athlete who is remarried to Kim Kardasian’s mother. Brody’s step-dad is some rich music producer. That means he knows tons of rich spoiled kids who go out to Hollywood and drink off their daddy’s credit cards and use their family name when they get in trouble in order to not feel the full extent of the strong arm of the law.
So what does the future hold for Brody Jenner?
A permanent spot on Hollywood Squares: Useless Children of Famous People edition? Maybe.
But probably not since Brody will be shooting his gay new reality show on MTV titled Bromance in which guys compete to become part of Brody’s entourage.
Seriously?
No, seriously?
This has to be a fucking joke, it just has to be. I mean, I know being a celebrity is a sought-after job these days, but being associated with Jenner just ain’t worth it kiddies. His gay-laced show even does the eliminations from a hot tub which is VERY GAY considering it will just be men sitting in it and who the fuck wants to see that except for gay men?
No one.
But I’ll watch the first episode (MTV bought 6 episodes, doubt it will go any longer than that) just to see how pathetic things have become.
Remember when MTV was cool and had shows like Remote Control? I do. I also remember that I was a contestant on that show during a college tour they did. Adam Sandler was just starting out then. And I think I gave it the ol’ college try with the show’s resident hottie Kari Wuhrer and failed miserably.
Just like Brody will do eventually.
Topics: Story | 3 Comments »
HEY CHASEY, THAT’S ONE EXPENSIVE COFFIN YOU’RE DRIVING THERE!
By Fayner | July 21, 2008
Remember when Chasey Lain was hot and didn’t have one of the worst meth addictions this industry has ever seen? I do, and I’m a old man who has also done lots of drugs so my memory isn’t too good. But I do remember when she was hot. It was a long time ago.
Now Chasey is the porn business’s Amy Winehouse; sure there must be some talent still in that withering frame and mind but its been taken over by drugs. Come to think of it, shouldn’t Chasey and Amy do a sex scene together? That would be cool. And would test the nerves of everyone in a five mile radius…
If Chasey and Amy were hired to do a girl/girl scene together:
Who would show up later to set?
Who would take more trips to “pee” in the rest room?
Who would pass out more during pussy-eating chores?
Anyway, the reason for this story is to tell you that I’ve heard from a few sources that Chasey Lain is cruising around in a Rolls Royce! Say what???
If you’ve seen Chasey any time in the last couple of years you’d notice that she is uncapable of even making a smart decision let alone get behind the wheel of a $200,000 (or so) vehicle and risk the lives of anyone and everyone else on the city streets.
But who in their right mind would ever give the keys to such a fine car to such a trainwreck? This is what I want to know…
Who would need more time in the makeup chair?
Topics: Story | 3 Comments »
HELLO KITTY PORN COLLECTION
By Fayner | July 18, 2008
My good friend Taylor Rain is having her baby in about two weeks time. Babies are cute and cool, but I’m kinda glad she tells me I won’t be allowed anywhere near her little girl as it will be my full-time job watching her three rambunctious dogs not to mention I’m a dirty scumbag. And although I hear changing a poop-filled diaper is not a pleasant thing, anyone who knows TR’s mini pit bull Smokie knows taking care of the braindead canine is a much worse task (Just kidding, Smokie, I love you!).
Anyway, living with Staci who is acting as Taylor’s baby shower organizer these past months since they’ve been planning it have been rough to say the least following their decision to use Hello Kitty as the theme. Every day when Taylor comes over the first thing out of Staci’s mouth is, “Oh my God! You have to see this Hello Kitty thing for the baby shower! It’s soooooooo cute!” and then they run off to Staci’s computer and gab away about all the crap Hello Kitty has been willing to add their name to.
And now I’m hearing about a Hello Kitty Pregnant Cake that they’re getting and I’m thinking this has this gone too far.
So I’ve come up with some possible Hello Kitty items that may or may not be coming out as soon as HK Inc. reaches out one of its many tentacles to grab the porn business as the next entity to be overrun by the greedy Asian cat.
The Hello Kitty coke straw and mirror set
The Hello Kitty Black Eye Hider
The Hello Kitty Home STD Testing Kit
The Hello Kitty Repo Man Confuser
The Hello Kitty Enema/Douching Kit
The Hello Kitty Dick-Shooting Needle
The Hello Kitty Excuse Maker
The Hello Kitty Landlord Detector
The Hello Kitty Once A Day Viagra Despenser
The Hello Kitty Hooker Heel Fixer
The Hello Kitty Idiot’s Guide To Porn
Can you think of any other good ones I missed?
Topics: Story | 5 Comments »
JUST GIVE IT UP ALREADY
By Fayner | July 18, 2008
I was watching the VH1 special on The Who this morning. Now, I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m a big fan of the band; I’d say maybe I like 20 songs they’ve recorded out of hundreds and hundreds they put out over the years. The great songs ARE great, no denying that. And Keith Moon still remains one of the best drummers to ever pick up sticks after being dead for about 30 years now. The ultimate mad man he was.
From what I hear, it didn’t matter that The Who didn’t write the best, most catchy songs; it was their live show that really burned. Once there was even a stampede before a show in Ohio I think and like 8 people were crushed to death before the show even started. The band wasn’t told about it until later. I bet they didn’t sleep too well after that one, except maybe Keith ’cause of all the booze and downers he took on a daily basis.
I saw The Who in high school on their first reunion tour in like 1988 or 89. Bassist John Entwistle was still alive (he died a few years back on the eve of a world tour from cocaine) and an amazing British drummer named Simon Phillips played drums, but you could tell the love of music was gone from their souls by that time.
Twently years later and with half of the original band underground, it seems The Who is back and going on a tour which is paying them (Pete and Roger) 100 million bucks.
This VH1 show proves that The Who should just give it up. They don’t have it anymore. There was once a time that they’d go on stage and Keith would be falling over the drums and exploding shit and it would be the best show ever. And now its two old guys and a bunch of studio musicians hidden behind a curtain playing songs that don’t touch a nerve in them anymore. The only good thing about the show was drummer Zac Starkey who you may or may not know is the child of Beatles drummer Ringo Starr. Zac is the only thing good about The Who now, as he flails around the drums just as Moom did; only Zac keeps great time!
I don’t know, I think things like this are the reason I didn’t see Van Halen on their last tour despite being such a fan; I don’t want to be disappointed. There is a big difference between 20 years old and 50 years old.
I guess the only classic band that won’t disappoint is AC/DC.
And if you watch the VH1 special, be sure to skip the Pearl Jam version of “The Real Me” ’cause not only do they suck but they ruined one of the best rock songs ever. W.A.S.P. covered it, and killed it. Pearl Jam covered it, and it died.
Topics: Story | 2 Comments »
SOMETHING ABOUT THE DAVE POUNDER ARTICLE
By Fayner | July 17, 2008
Over at AVN they got a story about a story about Dave Pounder. Some of you may recall Dave as being Donny Long before Donny Long; that is, the guy everybody hates. I guess Dave was nice enough, a little goofy - scratch that! A lot goofy! - certainly someone who could make the most of his harmless looks and attitude amongst all the other violent and roided-up male performers.
I remember the first time I met Wanker Wang at this party and I was doing coke with some whore and Wang comes in with Dave Pounder and demanded that we both interview him and I think I asked him to do a line off my dick but I’m not sure.
Anyway, in this story found here dave goes on about how he won’t use his real name because his family and friends might suffer and you know the whole thing how it goes and then the article says both what high school Dave went to and what year he graduated.
So in this day and age does one think that is not enough information to use to find out his real name?
Hundred bucks says Dave Pounder’s real first name is Dave…
I’m not in my sleuthing mood since the Stormy story the other day, but I would love if one of you cold find out his real name so we can go to his old neighborhood and ruin his family’s life. That would be fun.
I wish I could go to Summer Camp so I wouldn’t have to do this
Topics: Story | 1 Comment »
MARC WALLICE’S EVIL TWIN SURFACES!!!
By Fayner | July 16, 2008
Many of you know the legend of Marc Wallice which pretty much is that he got HIV and kept working in the business by doctoring his HIV test until he was accused of infecting at least five female actresses back in the late 1990s.
Although it was never proved that he was the one who spread the HIV, every one knew it was him. I believe some of the women tried suing him, but it never made it to court.
Now it seems a guy from Canada who is either his (more) evil twin or just another douchebag has pretty much done the same thing.
Clato Mabior has been convicted with knowingly having HIV and having unprotected sex with six women, the youngest being only 12.
What a fuckwad!
read the story HERE
Topics: Story | 2 Comments »
THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES
By Fayner | July 16, 2008
I recently got on FaceBook which turns out is pretty cool if you want to get back in touch with friends from yesteryear, which for me is a long, long time ago.
So I’ve found a bunch of old friends in the last week, and catching up has been fun. I mean, when you come from a rich community like I do and most of your friends become either doctors or lawyers or dentists or company presidents or architects its kinda hard to blend in when you work in the porn business.
Most of the people have heard that I work in porn, but through the years have heard rumors that they want to clear up about me and some of the things I’ve done. Let’s just say my life is nothing like theirs.
The best part about FaceBook is that people post old pictures of themselves from high school. This I find a wonderful thing because all those years I spent in my bedroom trying to picture all the hot chicks I knew as I jerked off were tough times because sometimes imagining things just doesn’t work. And these chicks I used to want to fuck have all put up pictures of themselves from the old days so I can go back 20 years and revisit my teen masturbation days with ease which I may just do right now so bye
Topics: Story | No Comments »
REMEMBERING: HUSTLER EROTIC VIDEO GUIDE
By Fayner | July 16, 2008
I remember the first day I walked in and met Mike Albo, the once powerful editor of Hustler Erotic Video Guide, at the glorious LFP office in Beverly Hills. I was wearing a wrinkled linen suit and was nervous because weeks before when I came to the same office to interview I got passed over for Angel Defina who had big tits and later on became the talent coordinator. Plus, my money was running out and I needed a job.
Mike’s office was dark and cluttered with videos and movie slides. Over the bluegrass music blaring through his computer, Mike gave me the low down on what the job would entail if I was to get it, and I was thrilled. We talked about porn sluts and music and drugs and the banjo.
I got the job.
HEVG was a killer magazine and I learned a lot from Albo about writing and dealing with porn people. He gave me tons of freelance assignments and room to spread my wings. He taught me that if a porn guy ever did a gay scene he was forever gay and should be laughed at about it all the time. He taught me to say what I wanted about anyone I wanted to. He didn’t give a shit, and I learned from him to also not give a shit.
I don’t know, I was just browsing through an old issue and felt a little nostagic about those days when the business was new to me and things were exciting.
Topics: Story | No Comments »
MIKE SOUTH = DIPSHIT
By FaynerIsBack | July 15, 2008
Mike South thinks he’s such a genius, thinks he catches everything. The dumb redneck must really be hurting these days. He’s picking on Jesse Jane, Cindy Loftus, Lukeford.com and more… and yet today he posts a blog from some un-named poster which makes him look like a complete moron… the post reads as follows:
Mike:
So, I just see that Metro has a new release, DayDreams, directed by Paul Thomas and starring John Dough ….. who has been dead for two years. What kind of new release is that.
(and these are Mikes dumbo comments relating to the post) Welcome to porn logic 101, if someone has been out of porn for two years, when you bring them back they are new. There will be some new John Holmes releases soon. I thought PT only directed for Vivid? Maybe there’s a new PT too.
HEY MIKE SOUTH, YOU FUCKING GEORGIA IN-BRED REDNECK STUPID FUCK…. CHECK THINGS OUT BEFORE YOU POST. AND DON’T EVER CRITICIZE JESSE, CINDY OR ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER YOU FUCKING DOPE, BECAUSE THIS POST MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A COMPLETE BUFFOON………..
THE “NEW METRO RELEASE” TITLED, DAYDREAMS, THAT YOUR WRITER REFERENCED (AND YOU OBVIOUSLY CHECKED) IS ACTUALLY A RE-RELEASE OF A METRO CLASSIC ON DVD, RELEASED UNDER THE METRO GOLD LINE, YOU FUCKING MORON.
YOU MUST FEEL LIKE A REAL SOUTHERN DIPSHIT NOW HUH MIKE?? JESSE’S LOOKIN PRETTY SMART NEXT TO YOU!!!
Topics: Story | 2 Comments »
GLOBAL WARMING HAS GOT NOTHING ON STORMY DANIELS!
By Fayner | July 15, 2008
I’ve been in one of my researching moods today, the result of lots of marijuana smoking and the need to keep my mind off my dear departed friend Rhiannon.
I was thinking of Stormy Daniels, and because her name is Stormy whether she brings bad weather to anywhere she travels to.
I thought of looking into what the weather is like in each city porn princess Stormy Daniels visits during her feature dancing schedule before, during and after she rolls in.
So I did, and this is what I uncovered: In every place Stormy has gone in the last six months, the weather has actually gotten worse in every single on of the places, including Seattle, New York, Florida and many others. Delaware was the worst case in which during the weekend Stormy visited there were four different floods, a lightning storm that killed a little boy and 17 inches of rain which could have contained acid. The best case was New York which only received a weekend of rain and no casualties.
In every case, the weather improved the day after Stormy left that city!
Crazy, huh? I thought so.
Check out Stormy at her fabulous official web site located Here and Here and also Here
Topics: Story | No Comments »
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