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JESUS BUILT MY HOTROD…AND NOW HE WANTS TO CLEAN IT??
By Fayner | August 12, 2008
The other day I was driving around in the Mercedez convertible with my trusty bloodhound riding shotgun. We came up to Shoup and Fallbrook, where three scantily-clad high school chicks were flashing signs offering a FREE CAR WASH. I was headed to Taylor’s house, but thought making a detour would be a good idea. I drove up to the chicks.
“Wanna free car wash?” one of them asked.
“Who doesn’t?” I replied. “But I gotta ask: why is it free???”
“We’re trying to give back to the community,” she stated.
I could think of a couple other ways she could give back to the community…
So I drove to where she told me to go. It was a church parking lot. I put my car in a spot and took the dog out to relax while these people cleaned my ride for free.
I should have seen it coming. But I didn’t.
An older man approached me, began talking to me. I was super stoned.
What do you do? What kind of dog is that? How old is she? Where are you from? Blah blah blah
Is my car ready yet???
Then he asked what I knew he would eventually ask: What church do you go to?
“I’m a Jew,” I answered. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry!” he shot back, “just as long as you love your GOD!”
“Well…” I began, not sure where to go with this. “I don’t really believe in God, per se, but the values the Jewish people have carried with them for so long.”
“Okay,” he said, “it was nice talking to you.”
And he walked off to try and convert the next person wanting a free car wash into joining their church.
But how could Jesus allow his young followers to dress slutty for the purpose of trying to get people to join the church? Isn’t that just plum wrong???
Is Jesus that unpopular these days that he has to resort to schemes to keep his name alive?
I was glad I was a Jew that moment, but then realized that Jews wouldn’t have given away anything for free including a car wash so I kind of wanted to be a Jesus follower until I saw what a shitty job they did on my car.
Fuck Jesus!
Topics: Story |
August 12th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Christ, I’m REALLY hoping you had that song cued-up to blast as you drove away from there.
DING-DANG-A-DONG-A-BONG-BING-BONG
TICKY-TICKY THOUGHT OF A GUN…
August 12th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
“You shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth”.
Are, are they supposed to have cleaned the car with their vaginas?
August 12th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Talking about stoned, that song kicks ass. When Ministry had Gibby come in they had him take a lot of acid. It turned into a disaster for Ministry. Gibby was so fucked up on the acid they gave him he didn’t come close to following the songs super fast beat and complex changes.
They had to spend hours and hours editing each phrase — trying to sync his vocals up to the music.
Also this is one of the only super long songs I can listen to over and over.
August 13th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
you should have said that you do love the Jew god of money