Archive for August, 2008
TICK TOCK TICK TOCK
Tuesday, August 19th, 2008Everyone around these parts are anxiously awaiting former smut slut Taylor Rain’s baby to arrive via Stork Express, which is having some difficulty we assume due to the bad weather caused by my storm TS Fay.
Sorry, TR!!!!
I’ve been checking out the fence around my house to make sure that when TR’s daughter comes and her dogs [...]
WHEN PEOPLE DO STUPID THINGS #63
Tuesday, August 19th, 2008(Anyone else realize that the latest pre-hurricane tropical storm is named after me? Yeah, that’s right, its named FAY!!! I guess I am that popular afterall!)
Anyway, you must check out this video of a guy in Florida attempting to Kite Surf during a tropical storm. Remember that the winds are around 60 miles an hour, [...]
GOD’S COOL TRICK
Tuesday, August 19th, 2008Physical abnormalities are usually a huge bummer, that’s for sure. Many suffer years of anguish and torment because of it, as a kid with a grapefruit-sized lump on his head or one hand that’s a claw usually have a tough time with life.
But mistakes are sometimes cool; Just ask the guy in Guam with two [...]
WE COULD BE HEROES
Monday, August 18th, 2008Great people do great things. And for those people, we’ve got awards that show how great they are.
Musicians have the Grammys.
Actors have the Oscars.
Football players got a Super Bowl ring.
And I’m sure top surgeons have some statue, too, when they do amazing things.
Writers, it seems, only have the Pulitzer Prize to strive for, and anyone [...]
HEY UGLY CHICKS: PACK YOU BAGS!!!
Monday, August 18th, 2008I was reading this morning about the mayor of Queensland in Australia calling for all ugly chicks to move there since there are too many guys and even ugly ones would land a good man.
Or something like that.
He said afterwards that he meant no harm to ugly chicks, just that the area is perfect for [...]
ALMOST FORGOT…HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAYLOR RAIN!!!!
Saturday, August 16th, 2008Today is Taylor’s birthday, and we were hoping it would also be the birthday of her daughter but she hasn’t decided to come out of her mommy’s belly just yet!
Anyway, happy birthday from all of us here at ScottFayner.com!!!!!
REMAINS OF RON JEREMY’S COUSIN BIGFOOT FOUND!!
Friday, August 15th, 2008For years the legend of BigFoot has traveled the world, this mysterious half-man, half-ape creature that been roaming state parks around the U.S. for a long long time.
many think Bigfoot is just a hoax, that a creature of that size couldn’t hide forever. Some even captured the beast on video, but skeptics were always quick [...]
ONLY IN TEXAS
Friday, August 15th, 2008I love how this country solves problems. When there’s a drug epidemic, all we do is throw more money at the borders and hope it goes away. We don’t educate on the dangers like we should.
With school shootings being as common as some Senator being caught with his pants down or hands in the cookie [...]
DARKKO’S WET FOOD 2: NOW THAT’S A LOTTA COCK!
Thursday, August 14th, 2008I figured some of you are still eating lunch so I felt putting this picture of wet food is better than the one on the box cover of the movie unless of course you enjoy looking at pictures of chicks with many penises in their face.
In that case, you got problems, and shouldn’t come back [...]
GENTLEMEN, START YOUR BONERS!
Thursday, August 14th, 2008I hardly get excited about anything anymore unless there’s some cool dog trick involved.
But I must admit that this new Not Bewitched XXX really has me excited; you see, I was a huge fan of the show back in the old days - well, not the old, old days, but the old days - and [...]
TAYLOR RAIN VS THE FLY
Thursday, August 14th, 2008I called Taylor just now to see how she’s doing as she is very pregnant and ready to pop any minute now.
“Dawg, I’m goin’ fucking nuts over here!” she yelled into the phone.
“Hey, watch your language around the baby,” I shot back.
“Oh, yeah, sorry.”
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Its this fucking fly! I’ve been chasing it around the [...]
FROM PINK TO GREEN
Tuesday, August 12th, 2008For a few years, this was my view as I took smoke breaks outside the Hustler building. I liked it. I kinda miss it, too.
Hey, Hustler, wanna hire me back?
Oh, okay. I understand.
Anyway, I got an email today saying Hustler has gone green. By that, I mean they’ve become more aware of the problems to the [...]
SHE’S HOT
Tuesday, August 12th, 2008If I was going out tonight, it would be to Testa’s going a-gay party. But I’m blowing that off to stay home and watch Fletch. If I wasn’t doing that, then I’d go see this chick Jaime - oh, sorry, I mean Jayme - Langfold at the Porn Star Karaoke. Actually, no I wouldn’t ’cause I don’t [...]
JESUS BUILT MY HOTROD…AND NOW HE WANTS TO CLEAN IT??
Tuesday, August 12th, 2008The other day I was driving around in the Mercedez convertible with my trusty bloodhound riding shotgun. We came up to Shoup and Fallbrook, where three scantily-clad high school chicks were flashing signs offering a FREE CAR WASH. I was headed to Taylor’s house, but thought making a detour would be a good idea. I [...]
LITTLE LOW ON CASH? JUST RAT ON YOUR FRIENDS!!!
Monday, August 11th, 2008Listen, everybody is struggling right now.
Everybody but me.
I guess the demand for over-the-hill, ex-drug addicted porn writers is at an all time high, though, ’cause I’m rolling in cash. It could have something to do with all the money I’m not spending on cocaine this past year, but I sleep better thinking I’m just so awesome that [...]
WE GOT A CELEBRITY BLOGGER, TOO!
Monday, August 11th, 2008Over at my old stomping ground LukeFord.com, the new guy seems to be realizing how truly difficult it is to maintain a writing pace the readers demand. I know all about it; I’ve tried to keep a 5 stories a day schedule since I began doing this porn blogging thing 5 years ago and it [...]
WELCOME HOME SMOKIE!!!
Saturday, August 9th, 2008After five long nights out in Coyote hunting grounds off Canoga in the Hills, Smokie has found her way back to her loving parents and super cool Uncle Scott. We are so happy to have her home, and promise to no longer yell at her when she becomes an annoying Crapper again.
Thanks to everyone for [...]
HELP **UPDATE**
Friday, August 8th, 2008Yes, Smokie is still missing, but this morning we went for a walk with the dogs to put up new flyers and a nice lady said she saw her on Wednesday night. She tried grabbing her, but Smokie was scared and wouldn’t allow her to.
This is good news. Hopefully she’ll get tired of being free and [...]
WAS CHUCK E CHEESE’S CLOSED?
Thursday, August 7th, 2008Must be the fucking heat that causes Florida folk to be so damn stupid.
Take this lady for instance, the one I was reading about today who got caught driving around a parking lot with her 3 year old granddaughter on the roof of the car.
Her excuse was that she was holding the child’s leg, that [...]
ALAURA EDEN’S DARK PAST
Thursday, August 7th, 2008I was going through some stuff in the garage and came across a box I thought was mine but turned out it was Staci’s (Alaura Eden) box of stuff from when she was a teenager.
But before I could figure out it wasn’t my stuff I pulled out an old VHS tape and read the label [...]
WHICH SIMPSONS CHARACTER WOULD YOU FUCK?
Thursday, August 7th, 2008Testa came over this morning for breakfast. Okay, fine, he stayed the night here, but we only dry humped and nothing more…
Anyway, somehow the conversation ended up on The Simpsons. It was prolly cause we were watching the show, but who knows?
Oh, I remember now, Testa was saying how he wants conjoined twins to blow [...]
X-PLAY SAYS: YOU CAN BET ON ‘NOT BEWITCHED XXX’!!!!
Wednesday, August 6th, 2008Jenna Haze, Eva Angelina and Teagan Presley. Do I need to say anything more?
Oh, I do? Are you sure? Well, if its in my contract I guess I have to…
Not Bewitched XXX is bound to be a huge porn hit. X-Play’s J Mull and Scott David wouldn’t have it any other way. They work too [...]
WHERE IN THE WORLD IS…SUNNY LANE?
Wednesday, August 6th, 2008You’ve seen her running with the bulls in Spain. You’ve seen her fly in a B-2 Stealth Bomber over Boston during the Fourth of July celebration. You’ve seen her building houses in African villages.
But where in the world is Sunny Lane going to be this week?
Good question. I have no idea.
Oh, wait, yes I do.
Sunny is heading [...]
OUCH
Wednesday, August 6th, 2008We were watching the end of the movie 21 last night. At one point the smart guy leans in to kiss the hot rocket scientist chick, and she backs off. It is obviously an awkward moment.
“Oh, that sucks!” I say. “I know how that feels. That’s the kind of thing that takes years to shake [...]
REAL COLLEGE GIRLS AND THE POOL GUY
Wednesday, August 6th, 2008The pool pump at our house broke some weeks back. The pool ain’t in good shape. So we found this guy on Craigslist who said he was gonna bring a new pump and get the pool back into working order for the dogs to use in this unbearable Valley heat (Valley Heat? Wasn’t that a [...]
WHERE’S DOLE?
Wednesday, August 6th, 2008I was watching CNN this morning. John McCain was on, talking about the issue of nuclear power. He says that he should be the one to listen to on this issue, as he has many, many years of experience due to him being stationed on the U.S. Enterprise (the first nuclear powered aircraft carrier) as [...]
EXCUSES, EXCUSES
Monday, August 4th, 2008Some guys just look like rapists. Take this guy to the left for instance…doesn’t he just look like he enjoys forcing a woman to have sex with him?
Enjoyed, I should have said, because this guy named Richard Cooey has been in Ohio’s jail system since 1986 when he raped and then killed two young women [...]
A BAD MORNING
Monday, August 4th, 2008I don’t need to tell you how sad I’ve been since losing my dog Rhiannon two months ago tomorrow; there has been a huge change for the worst in both my spirit and motivation. I have dreams where she’s alive, and when I wake from it I look around and she isn’t there, just her [...]
BIANCA DAGGER: WHEN DUTY CALLS
Monday, August 4th, 2008Anyone who has ever spent more than five consecutive hours with Bianca Dagger knows that just around every five hours she gets horny. And I’m confident that at that very moment if she was all alone and getting the itch with no massager or vibrator around and there was a hobo walking down her street [...]