Archive for May, 2008
« Previous EntriesTERRORISTS SHOW WHAT D.C. WOULD LOOK LIKE AFTER NUCLEAR ATTACK!
Friday, May 30th, 2008FROM THE WEB SOMEWHERE: Washington is laid to waste. The Capitol is a blackened, smoking ruin. The White House has been razed. Countless thousands are dead.
This is the apocalyptic scene terrorists hope to create if they ever get their hands on a nuclear bomb.
The computer-generated image below was posted on an Islamic extremists’ website yesterday.
This [...]
BUT DOESN’T EVERY 15 YEAR OLD BOY HAVE A NUDIE MAG STASHED UNDER HIS BEAD?
Friday, May 30th, 2008A teenage boy will walk through a blizzard to get a porno mag or video. He won’t care about the frigid temperature. He has one thing on his mind: porn.
When you’re a teenage boy, porn is priceless. It’s harder to get than heroin I bet. Most have only an old Playboy of their fathers or [...]
HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!!
Thursday, May 29th, 2008The industry ain’t what it used to be.
(Wow, I’ve always dreamed of being able to say that one day!)
There was a time, long ago, when the industry was cool. The parties were cool, the chicks were cool, the drugs were cool…we were cool.
Then it ended, and pretty much what you see now is people trying [...]
HELP US GET A HELPER MONKEY!
Thursday, May 29th, 2008Dez and Staci’s mastiff Lou is in need of a helper monkey. He will only eat his food (Wolf King dry food $40, $20 wet food and various meats) if someone feeds it to him with a spoon. Yeah, he’s that lazy!
Well, Homer Simpson had a helper monkey, so Lou wants one too. I think [...]
IF ANY GUY GOES TO SEE THIS CRAPPY MOVIE I SHOULD GET A DOLLAR
Thursday, May 29th, 2008Everyone knows the new Sex and the City movie is gonna blow big chunks. It has to since the television show with the same name blew big chunks.
Right?
It is a chick flick if there ever was one, up there with Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and Sliding Doors and I don’t know what are other [...]
AN AUSTRALIAN ROCK BAND? NOW THAT’S SOMETHING NEW!
Thursday, May 29th, 2008AC/DC is one of the greatest rock bands to ever live. Sure, they only play three chords and pretty much play the same song over and over with different lyrics, but its one of the most perfect songs if you ask me. The old days of the band with songer Bon Scott will remain in [...]
RISKY BEHAVIOR? YA THINK?
Wednesday, May 28th, 2008I was reading today about how researchers are concerned about risky behavior from kids who drink too many energy drinks. And I’ve been saying the same thing for years and no one ever listens to me I guess I suck!
I got some of the Cocaine Energy drinks ’cause of the name and I thought they’d be [...]
K-BEECH STUDIOS LAUNCHES MEMBER SITE
Wednesday, May 28th, 2008IT’S ABOUT TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
With such a HUGE library of titles, this is one members site you won’t want to miss.
Brought to you by Atlas Multimedia, K-BEECH Members Site!!!!!!!!! ENJOY
GERMANY UNVEILS MONUMENT FOR GAY VICTIMS OF HOLOCAUST
Tuesday, May 27th, 2008Jews weren’t the only people singled out during Hitler’s reign; the Gays were, too!
Thousands of homosexuals were taken to death camps where they were either murdered or died from starvation and disease.
Berlin’s mayor is a cockhound, so he had this monument built in recognition of all the gays who suffered under Hitler’s 12 year rule. [...]
HAS SHARON STONE GONE COMPLETELY NUTSO?
Tuesday, May 27th, 2008Sharon Stone ain’t right. But you already knew that!
Now, for the record, natural disasters happen all the time and can only be blamed on an unstable planet. Or God, whichever belief you subscribe to. Hurricanes, tornados, floods and earthquakes all happen whether we are here or not. They happened before man walked the earth and [...]
ALAURA E…D…E…N…OHH…PEE!
Tuesday, May 27th, 2008Dez and Alaura (Staci) just got back from Lake Havasu for the holiday weekend.
This was the first story she told me.
Staci: So we went out at night to a club and I got wasted! Tequila shots and vodka shots! Wasted! When we got back to our hotel room I had to lay down for a [...]
FIGHT CANCER!
Tuesday, May 27th, 2008Someone very very close to me has been going through a cancer scare these last few months. It has been really tough on me since I haven’t had to deal with the possiblity of death in a while (not including my own) and it ain’t a fun time for anyone involved.
Luckily, we think everything will [...]
TAYLOR RAIN SAYS SHE WANTS ONE OF THESE…THINK THAT’S A GOOD IDEA?
Tuesday, May 27th, 2008okay, so as a guy I must say that Hello Kitty is the stupidest, gayest, most waste of money thing ever on this planet next to Nick Manning’s sperm for sale on his web site.
But the chicks love this shit, especially Taylor, Bianca and Staci.
Waffle makers. Spa kits. Clothes. Jewelry. Crap. More crap. Even more [...]
DID YOU SEE THE BIG FUCK-UP IN WALK HARD?
Tuesday, May 27th, 2008It was the best weekend I could have dreamed for: everybody was away and I was home alone with the dogs. No, I didn’t make love to them for days straight in a giant pile of cocaine. That would have been weird.
Basically, my weekend consisted of smoking weed and watching television and eating lots of [...]
OH, BRAD!
Tuesday, May 27th, 2008So yesterday Taylor, Testa and I were watching Brad Pitt in The Assisination of Jesse James movie. I turn to both of them.
“I would totally do a line of coke off Brad Pitt’s cock!”
“You would, you fag!” they both say.
“You wouldn’t?”
Taylor: No!
Testa: No!
“That’s crazy!” I yell. “Its Brad Fucking Pitt! What’s the big fucking deal?!”
Testa: [...]
YOU CANT GET ENOUGH OF EVA ANGELINA
Friday, May 23rd, 2008Oh Eva!!!!!!!!!
See more of Eva here. A LOT MORE
About Eva Angelina… Porn Star Eva Angelina is a gorgeous 5′3″ babe from Huntington Beach, CA and is a pure sex machine! With an amazing 34D-24-36 figure, she has all the curves in the right places. Eva’s favorite position is on her back with her legs over [...]
RAGE OF BONAN IS NOW AVAILABLE!
Friday, May 23rd, 2008From the creators of Whorelore comes THE RAGE OF BONAN!
TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN INC. announced today that the brand new AGE OF CONAN video game which launched this week will be the basis for its latest fantasy-themed sex video.
Whorelore architect and Top of the Food Chain President Dez was quick to jump on this [...]
IT’S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!
Thursday, May 22nd, 2008It’s been hard for me to go back to Boston the last 10 years or so ’cause I think I’m the only one there who hates the Red Sox and the Patriots and the only one who stuck with the Celtics since the early 90s when Larry Bird retired and Reggie Lewis collapsed and died [...]
HUSTLER VIDEO IMITATES REAL LIFE
Thursday, May 22nd, 2008This is obviously a parody from Hustler Video about former NY governor Eliot Spitzer and his love of prostitutes. I’m surprized I even know that, as my political smarts rival that of a 10th grader on dope.
Not to say I haven’t been around politics. I worked for NBC Nightly News for the 1992 and 1996 [...]
THANK YOU WILLY SHINE!
Wednesday, May 21st, 2008The guy to your left is Willy Shine. He once lived in Colorado, then moved to the mean streets of Boston where he got in fights every day because he had a funny haircut. When I met him, he was bartending at a club called Zanzibar through a window in the kitchen. He graduated soon [...]
SO CHICKS CAN DO TRIPLE ANAL BUT WE CAN’T GO TO THE MOON AGAIN? WHAT GIVES?
Wednesday, May 21st, 2008I’m not sure how I got on the moon landing kick today (oh yeah, it was with the story about dog cloning!), but I’ve been a firm believer that the whole thing was a total fake since seeing the film A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to The Moon in which the 1969 historic event [...]
OLD PUEBLO DOING THE OLD “CHARGE ‘EM BEFORE YOU GO OUT OF BUSINESS” SCHEME
Wednesday, May 21st, 2008Got this email today. I always knew this guy was a crook.
Well maybe you have heard of this piece of shit company with piece of shit adult dvds. anyways I guess they have stooped to a further low since I was told from Arnold the owner that he was going out of business. Well I [...]
ONE LESS COMPETITOR
Wednesday, May 21st, 2008You may have noticed that TheRealLukeFord’s site, LukeIsBack, which he sold to someone I believe to be Kevin Moore but cannot prove or even want to prove because it doesn’t even matter, has pretty much stopped updating.
April 11th was the last post on the site, with the weeks prior to that being very sporatic to [...]
CANCER HAS A NEW ENEMY
Wednesday, May 21st, 2008I’ve seen programs on television about special canines that can sniff out cancer cells in humans which in turn can help the victims get treatment before it is too late. Fucking amazing if you ask me.
But what is more amazing is a South Korean bio-tech company is currently in the process of trying to clone [...]
BARELY LEGAL: 18 AND EASY… BUT EASY FOR WHOM?
Tuesday, May 20th, 2008Once upon a time I could score with 18 year old chicks. Not any more. The closest I’ve gotten lately was Dakoda Brookes who just turned 19 but I only lasted 15 seconds. Bummer for me.
But the Barely Legal series from Hustler lets every old loser like me feel as though they can score with [...]
THANKS, GENE!
Tuesday, May 20th, 2008Saw this today on AdultFyi.com and laughed. Funny stuff, Gene Ross!
Read On
If you Google for a picture of Scott Fayner, you’ll get one, instead, of Jessica Simpson, Boy George, Luke Ford, Michael Jackson’s Thriller album cover and some attempt to take you to a Russian website.
What this all means in the grand Google scheme of things [...]
JONNI DARKKO SAYS: “I LOVE JOHN MAYER!”
Tuesday, May 20th, 2008So we’re sitting out in my backyard by the pool the other night at my little B-day party. We’re drunk. Darkko is here, and that makes me happy ’cause I haven’t seen him in a long time and I miss him.
But then he says something along the lines of “The new John Mayer record is [...]
WHY AMERICA KICKS ASS
Monday, May 19th, 2008So yesterday we threw a BBQ pool party for my birthday as well as for the puppies Lou and Sara. Our only concern was the giant bee hive by the pool on a tree branch that must have been there for a while but we didn’t notice until last Thursday when all the bees went [...]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Monday, May 19th, 2008Everyone in the death pool is out, no one put Fayners life past 32 years.
Today, May 19th, Scott Fayner turns 37! Happy Birthday Fayner, many more to come my friend!!!!!!!!
NOT THE BRADYS XXX JOINS PLAYBOY TV
Friday, May 16th, 2008I loved the Brday Bunch when I was a kid. Like every other boy, I wanted to touch Marcia in places deemed unacceptable by the Brady family standards. But I didn’t care what Mike Brady would say if he met me because I knew no family could ever be that gay.
Anyway, I’m stoned and lost [...]
DOMINATRIX TRAINING
Thursday, May 15th, 2008KANSAS CITY, Missouri (AP) — Federal prosecutors have unsealed an indictment accusing a man and woman of training the woman’s child to be a dominatrix, selling her sexual services and photographing some of the acts.
U.S. Attorney John Wood said the case is unusual in that a parent has been charged with the commercial sex trafficking [...]
ROUGH SEX DISASTER
Thursday, May 15th, 2008A Winnipeg woman who accidentally plunged a knife into her boyfriend’s chest during a drunken bout of rough sex received a three-year conditional discharge yesterday.
“It was an accident that had disastrous results,” said the woman’s lawyer, John McAmmond.
A court order has prohibited the young lovers from communicating with each other since the February 2007 incident. [...]
WAR IS MONEY
Thursday, May 15th, 2008Anyone remember this picture? If you look closely or go here you will see that George Bush is made up of many small porno pictures. I thought it would go well with this story because this is in fact a porn-related website of sorts and I should atleast add some porn to whatever I’m telling you [...]
THE GREATEST SANDWICH OF ALL TIME!
Thursday, May 15th, 2008I’m hearing of a steak and cheese sandwich from Philly that costs $100.
Now we all know how good Philly Cheesesteaks are, right? The real ones? Yeah, they’re quite the treat.
But this one from Rittenhouse Square’s Barclay Prime in Philly has them all beat. It’s made with butter poached lobster, shaved truffles, kobe beef and $17/lb. cheese. [...]
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Thursday, May 15th, 2008My good friend Gene Ross over at AdultFYI posted a story today about Gina DePalma who is pictured to your left in all her glory. I know, I know…
The story I know about Gina DePalma goes something like this: It was my first Vegas porn convention trip, I was still working as Hustler staff, and [...]
WHO NEEDS AN STD WHEN YOU HAVE A DOG’S UTERUS?
Thursday, May 15th, 2008I know you all have been super worried the last 24 hours wondering if my puppy Sara made it through the operation to ger her fixed. Well, she is! A little groggy and cranky, but so am I, right? Only she’ll be fine in a day or two.
So, remember like 3 or 4 years ago when [...]
IS LARRY FLYNT READING MY MIND??
Wednesday, May 14th, 2008For the record, I felt that posting the MILFZILLA box cover on my family-friendly web site here was not only irresposible but in poor taste just in case my mother happened to check out the site and saw the picture of the box cover which is Ava Devine with a giant cock across her face. [...]
COME HOME FROM WAR IN A MENTAL SLUSH? WE GOT THE CURE!
Wednesday, May 14th, 2008Cipro is an antibiotic most commonly used amongst porn people to fight STDs. It is also a mainstay in the military as it apparently fights anthrax.
Sounds groovy, right? Just give all them hillbilly war machines a daily dose and they’ll be safe from any anthrax exposure! Its as simple as that.
Or is it?
From the things I’ve read [...]
GOT A LIGHT?
Wednesday, May 14th, 2008Kerosene-soaked man dies after lighting up in police station
A Japanese man who had doused himself with kerosene in front of police died of burns after asking to smoke during interrogation.
Hifumi Kubota, 45, was taken for questioning to a police station in the central Japanese city of Nagoya on Saturday after a woman who was living [...]
NEW WHORELORE EPISODE…MONICA MAYHEM RIDING A BIG FUCKING HORSE!
Tuesday, May 13th, 2008I’m not just saying how wonderful the new episode of Whorelore is because I wrote the script; it’s actually really, really good. Monica Mayhem returns as the hot chick in armor. So does Barrett Blade, but not as a hot chick in armor. You’ll also see Winter Sky as the bad guy.
There is also a [...]
SHOULD CURIOUS GEORGE BE INSULTED?
Tuesday, May 13th, 2008In Atlanta of all places in America (the biggest black population gain in the country) you would expect that they’d have a little racial tolerance towards black people.
I guess not.
Mulligan’s Bar and Grill has been selling this shirt which basically calls Obama a monkey.
Is it wrong? Is it free speech? Is it funny?
Obama should get one and [...]
STORMY GETS A PLUG ON FOX LA NEWS
Tuesday, May 13th, 2008I didn’t get to see it ’cause House was TiVo’d and it said in the “coming up at the 10 o’clock news” at the end of the show but it was after the news was over, but I did see the cover of Wicked Pictures’ Operation: Desert Stormy in the teaser for a segment on [...]
DID NAPOLEON DYNAMITE’S PEDRO REALLY DJ THE SMASH PARTY?
Tuesday, May 13th, 2008I was talking with a friend of mine, said a woman had hurt his pride.
Okay, that was some Tom Petty lyrics, I’ve just always wanted to do that…
Anyway, I was talking with a friend of mine who happened to go to the SmashXXX party last Friday night where upward of 80 porn chicks were scheduled [...]
HOW STORMY DANIELS SAVED ME A BUNCH OF AGGRAVATION
Monday, May 12th, 2008I’m not too sure how it happened, but for some reason I now spend upward of 3 times the amount of money I did when I had an everyday cocaine habit. It makes no sense to me because cocaine costs a lot of money. But apparently so does the best dog food, fish from Jim’s [...]
HIP HIP HOORAY FOR UPLOAD!!!!
Monday, May 12th, 2008These guys just can’t do anything wrong. I’m talking about SexZ Pictures, of course.
I mean, sweeping the top honors at the AVN, XBiz, XRCO and Adam Film World award shows? Now that is a big deal.
Makes me wonder why I still haven’t seen the movie Upload. I bet if there were hot Cougars in it [...]
A MOMENT WITH SYREN
Monday, May 12th, 2008Syren was at our house this morning getting ready for her shoot today with Dez and Staci’s newest project. I first met her years ago on Metro’s Le Vampyres set for James Avalon and over the years we’ve remained good enough friends where when we run into each other its never awkward and we take [...]
WHY WE LOVE EVAN STONE
Monday, May 12th, 2008Porn Goddess Syren was at our house this morning shooting something I believe to be top-secret at this time for Dez and Staci. We got to talking. Syren dates male performer Evan Stone who if you haven’t seen his dick you haven’t seen a porn movie.
Me: I saw Evan a couple of weeks ago at the [...]
SETH MCFARLANE STEALING MY JOKES?
Monday, May 12th, 2008A few years back I was living in a house with legendary sperm-picker-uper Nate AKA Winston Burbank. Nathan, some of you may recall from my stories, was obsessed with two things: cleaning and conserving. He would vacuum four times a day even if no one was around to walk on the rugs. He would turn [...]
GOOD THING SHE DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT WANTEDLIST!
Friday, May 9th, 2008So a few weeks ago I had to fly out to Boston to see my mother who broke her ankle when a film starring Matthew McConaughey was shooting in the alley behind her condo caused her to get all excited and fall down her stairs and snap her leg.
Ouch!
But what was more of an ouch [...]
JIHAD FOR VIRGINS? I DON’T THINK SO!
Friday, May 9th, 2008So I was chatting with Testa over a bowl of dirt weed about airport security and some other things and eventually the conversation turned to Muslim terrorists which if you don’t know inflict Jihad with the belief that when they die for their GOD they will go to heaven where 72 virgins await them.
Sounds pretty awesome, [...]